What do you do when you dare to hope
when you say, "Ok God. I'm gonna just pray big things and ask for it..."
When you think "Surely this time. This summer. I mean really, surely a year from now..."
What do you do when the answer is still no?
When eight months after telling the facebook world the secret prayer in your heart
*August 23. Lord, let it be done by then*
Eight months, and you are still waiting on translations.
Translations.
Not waiting for approval.
Not waiting for a referral.
Not waiting for a court date.
Translations.
"How long will it take to translate the dossier?"
"Oh, only a couple of weeks."
And you are all so kind to ask me how things are going with the adoption. Family, friends, church members, neighbors.
Raise your hand if I have accidentally rolled my eyes at you in the past 5 months or so??
I promise I'm not rolling my eyes at you. I know you ask because you care. It's just.
EIGHT MONTHS FOR TRANSLATIONS???
To be perfectly honest with you (cause at this point I may as well be, right?) Last August 23rd as I lay in bed late at night, I was daring to ask God for something I figured would be happening anyway. I mean, I knew it would require Him to move things along and all---but after being in this process since April 2012, I figured SURELY we would be wrapping things up by August 23rd 2015. OF COURSE He will say YES this time.
But he didn't. We are not going to have a new little one in our home on August 23, 2015. The bedroom is still empty. The walls aren't painted. The generic bedspread still covers the bed. There are no pictures on the wall. The only clothes in the closet are the ones Matthew has outgrown, and one that says "Big Brother" in big blue letters that he will probably never wear because he will outgrow it soon.
You know, he was just telling his best friend yesterday that he couldn't wait to meet his brother or sister. To which his buddy responded "Me either! I get to meet mine first!" Yep. That is probably true.
And yet the only real disappointment here is mine. God hasn't changed. Sure, He said no. But what does that really mess up? What does that prove?
Only that I'm not in charge here.
I told Kyle recently that the real reason this adoption is so hard for me is that I have these plans. And I can't stand that my plans are constantly being annihilated.
What is the balance between asking God for big things and trusting in His timing and His plan?
I have no idea.
I sit on our little one's bed every day to pray for him/her (OH FOR THE DAY WHEN I CAN USE ONE PRONOUN). And each day as I write out the prayer in my heart, I feel like the Holy Spirit holds up a mirror for me to look at what He sees.
My faith is so weak.
I am so fragile.
I am not worthy of the love God continually shows me.
And yet, He continues to love me. Not by giving me what I want when I want it (anyone who has spent anytime with children knows that isn't really love).
He loves me daily in so many ways.
Through His Word.
"Wait for me," He says.
"Be strong, take heart, wait for me."
(Psalm 27)
Through a song
"Faith makes a fool of what makes sense
But grace found my heart where logic ends
When justice called for all my debts
The Friend of sinners came instead"
Here Now (Madness)~Hillsong
A text from a friend
"Praying these specifics today! Love you all....Brother sister is going to be so blessed and excited to be in your arms very soon! Trusting with you! Hugs!"
A reminder from someone who is praying while checking the weather in Baku.
"Praying for your kiddo tonight! It's chilly in Baku..."
A facebook message out of the blue
"I woke up with you on my mind today. Prayed for you and wanted you to know that the Lord is bringing you to mind! Praying today is a big day in your journey!"
He has even been known to love me through tiny red shot glasses full of Diet Dr. Pepper and a few friends around the kitchen table.
He loves me through my 4 year old.
"Mommy, can we snuggle?" So glad I have him.
He loves me by saving me---and letting me keep my salvation no matter how many times I doubt Him! How does that make sense?
And yet I believe it to be true. And if I can't make sense of something that is the most foundational truth of my life, why do I expect to make sense of such a long adoption process?
I can't explain it. I don't know why. But I do know that God called us to this. And I know that we won't stop unless we hear clearly from God that we should.
This is long. I'm going to stop now. I'll leave you with these two things:
1. We are still waiting on 7 documents (out of 24) to be translated and sent back to our agency. I won't go into the whole story now, but I will tell you that we ended up having the Azerbaijani embassy in DC do the translations. The seven documents we are still waiting on include the four largest documents in the dossier (home study, home study addendum, tax return, and bank statements). I have no idea when they will be finished.
2. If you have Netflix, you should take an hour and a half one evening and watch Stuck. It is a documentary about international adoption that gives a good overview of the politics that can cause adoptions to drag out for extended periods of time.
Thank you for continuing to stick it out with us for so long. Keep praying for our little one! It is HOT in Baku this time of year!
Wednesday, August 5, 2015
Monday, May 4, 2015
I do believe, help my unbelief
Lord, above all, I want to trust you.
Some days, when I pray about our adoption, this is as far as I get.
But I can feel the Spirit working in my heart. Slowly but surely, day by day, teaching me to let go of my plans and notions of how I thought this adoption, my family, how I expected life to go.
My senior year of college, in my very last semester, our instructors asked us to draw a picture of what we would be doing one, five, and ten years from that moment. It is now seven years later. Life isn't at all what I planned for. I never expected that my first child would still be an only child on his fourth birthday. I expected to be thinking about a third child by now. When we began this adoption process three years ago, it never crossed my mind that three years later there would be no end in sight. I never expected to go through three agencies and two dossiers. I never expected it to take over four months to translate our second dossier. I don't like knowing that any life change--new baby, new puppy, new home, new illness, any change would require a revised home study (and the money to pay for it) and new translations (and the fees for that).
But daily, slowly, God is reminding me that His ways are not my ways and His thoughts are not my thoughts. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are His ways higher than my ways and His thoughts than my thoughts (Isaiah 55:8-9). Again and again I feel the Spirit ask, "Do you trust me?" And in those moments when I don't, a verse from James comes to mind, and the words seem to change as I think of them:
"Come now, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city (Baku) and spend a year there and trade and make a profit (adopt a child),' yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, 'If the LORD wills, we will (go to Azerbaijan and adopt a child)."
James 4:13-15, parenthesis mine
And He asks---Do you trust me?
I do believe; help my unbelief. (Mark 9:24)
So I go to what I know.
I know the Lord led us to start this process three years ago.
I know the Lord cares about orphans.
I know the Lord loves my kids more perfectly than I ever could.
I know the Lord loves me and wants what is best for me--and that will bring Him glory.
I know the Lord can accomplish the impossible.
So I wait. Above all, Lord, I want to trust you. Please, please, please bring our little one home soon!
Our dossier is still waiting to be translated. The original, English copy is sitting on a desk in the State Committee offices. Someone there was able to read through it to see if we are missing any documents. We aren't missing anything. The director at our agency was able to arrange for the Azerbaijani Embassy in Washington, D.C. to translate the dossier for us from a copy of the original. This is wonderful because it will save us over $2,000 from the place in country that was originally going to translate. The embassy has had a copy of our dossier for a few weeks, but the translator has been ill. He(she) is back in the office now, and so we wait.
Do you trust me? Yes, Lord. Today I trust you.
You are all so wonderful, sticking with us through these three years. Just this weekend I had several people ask if there was an update. And I love how God prompts some of you at random times to push me back to my knees in prayer, at just the right time...a facebook message from a college friend; a text from a friend with the weather report from Baku; a phone call from a friend reminding me to cherish this time I have to pray for a child, my child, whom I have never met, whose name I don't know. I wish I had the words to express how much your support means to Kyle and me. Please, don't stop.
Please pray that
1. The dossier would be translated quickly, correctly, and efficiently.
2. The State Committee would have favor on us and approve our dossier and us as adoptive parents.
3. The Lord would direct the State Committee to the child He has for us.
4. Our little one will be blessed and cared for as he or she waits for a family.
Even though she is not translating our papers as we originally thought, continue to pray for Aida as she is our liaison with the State Committee.
It is early morning and cloudy in Baku today, with the promise of rain most of the day. Lord, keep my little one dry and send someone with a hug and a smile to brighten this day for our child.
Some days, when I pray about our adoption, this is as far as I get.
But I can feel the Spirit working in my heart. Slowly but surely, day by day, teaching me to let go of my plans and notions of how I thought this adoption, my family, how I expected life to go.
My senior year of college, in my very last semester, our instructors asked us to draw a picture of what we would be doing one, five, and ten years from that moment. It is now seven years later. Life isn't at all what I planned for. I never expected that my first child would still be an only child on his fourth birthday. I expected to be thinking about a third child by now. When we began this adoption process three years ago, it never crossed my mind that three years later there would be no end in sight. I never expected to go through three agencies and two dossiers. I never expected it to take over four months to translate our second dossier. I don't like knowing that any life change--new baby, new puppy, new home, new illness, any change would require a revised home study (and the money to pay for it) and new translations (and the fees for that).
But daily, slowly, God is reminding me that His ways are not my ways and His thoughts are not my thoughts. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are His ways higher than my ways and His thoughts than my thoughts (Isaiah 55:8-9). Again and again I feel the Spirit ask, "Do you trust me?" And in those moments when I don't, a verse from James comes to mind, and the words seem to change as I think of them:
"Come now, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city (Baku) and spend a year there and trade and make a profit (adopt a child),' yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, 'If the LORD wills, we will (go to Azerbaijan and adopt a child)."
James 4:13-15, parenthesis mine
And He asks---Do you trust me?
I do believe; help my unbelief. (Mark 9:24)
So I go to what I know.
I know the Lord led us to start this process three years ago.
I know the Lord cares about orphans.
I know the Lord loves my kids more perfectly than I ever could.
I know the Lord loves me and wants what is best for me--and that will bring Him glory.
I know the Lord can accomplish the impossible.
So I wait. Above all, Lord, I want to trust you. Please, please, please bring our little one home soon!
Our dossier is still waiting to be translated. The original, English copy is sitting on a desk in the State Committee offices. Someone there was able to read through it to see if we are missing any documents. We aren't missing anything. The director at our agency was able to arrange for the Azerbaijani Embassy in Washington, D.C. to translate the dossier for us from a copy of the original. This is wonderful because it will save us over $2,000 from the place in country that was originally going to translate. The embassy has had a copy of our dossier for a few weeks, but the translator has been ill. He(she) is back in the office now, and so we wait.
Do you trust me? Yes, Lord. Today I trust you.
You are all so wonderful, sticking with us through these three years. Just this weekend I had several people ask if there was an update. And I love how God prompts some of you at random times to push me back to my knees in prayer, at just the right time...a facebook message from a college friend; a text from a friend with the weather report from Baku; a phone call from a friend reminding me to cherish this time I have to pray for a child, my child, whom I have never met, whose name I don't know. I wish I had the words to express how much your support means to Kyle and me. Please, don't stop.
Please pray that
1. The dossier would be translated quickly, correctly, and efficiently.
2. The State Committee would have favor on us and approve our dossier and us as adoptive parents.
3. The Lord would direct the State Committee to the child He has for us.
4. Our little one will be blessed and cared for as he or she waits for a family.
Even though she is not translating our papers as we originally thought, continue to pray for Aida as she is our liaison with the State Committee.
It is early morning and cloudy in Baku today, with the promise of rain most of the day. Lord, keep my little one dry and send someone with a hug and a smile to brighten this day for our child.
Monday, January 5, 2015
Dare to Hope
Oh I am so EXCITED to write this post!
Also a little nervous...but we will get to that part later.
I mean, this one has been floating around in my head for at least 2 months! Finally, today I heard the news: your dossier will be on its way to Azerbaijan this afternoon. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry--the excitement, I just can't even think straight! I'll be honest--I danced around my kitchen to no music today when I heard the news. And if you have ever seen me dance with music, you can imagine what it must have looked like with none! Ha...it probably wasn't pretty ;)
But I mean---after 10 months of trying to get back on track, I'm pretty sure you would have been dancing to no music, too!!!
So, what next? Our dossier (remember, that's just the fancy adoption word for alllll of our paper work which contains every bit of personal information you can imagine) should arrive in AZ by the end of this week. Next the in country representative for our agency will take about a week to translate all of the documents. When she finishes, she will take it to the state committee. The state committee will then read through all of our paperwork: birth certificates, marriage certificate, home study, proof of employment, bank statements, tax returns, financial statements, medicals, passport copies, pictures of our home and family, a floor plan of our home, our property deed...
After learning every possible thing you could possibly know about us, they will decide if we are fit to parent a child from their country. If they do approve us, we will receive a referral for a child. We have requested a child of either gender, age three or younger, with minor special needs. Once the referral is received, we will have a couple of weeks to say yes or no to meeting that child.
If we make it to that point, I'll let you know the next steps!
So here is the part that makes me nervous. I'm going to be very real with you--so hang on tightly.
We have had so many ups and downs in this journey called "international adoption." There have been days of dancing in the kitchen...and days of sobbing at the kitchen table. The faith journey God is leading us on has been such a unique time in our lives. Never have we had to lean on Him so much...trusting that He has a plan for each turn in the road...trusting that we heard His voice and that we should put one foot in front of the other even when it makes no sense. Trusting that we hear Him still, compelling us to continue in the same path no matter how many potholes trap us and delay our progress.
Some days it is easy to forget that we are doing this to find a specific child God is leading us toward. Sometimes you want to throw in the towel and just take any child...I mean, they all need a home, right?! But God prepared us for this question, too. Back in August 2013 he brought this verse to my heart, and told me there was one for us. I shared it with Kyle and he agreed. Here is the page from my journal that day. (sooooo hard for me to put it all out there, but keep hanging on, this is going somewhere)
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Also a little nervous...but we will get to that part later.
I mean, this one has been floating around in my head for at least 2 months! Finally, today I heard the news: your dossier will be on its way to Azerbaijan this afternoon. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry--the excitement, I just can't even think straight! I'll be honest--I danced around my kitchen to no music today when I heard the news. And if you have ever seen me dance with music, you can imagine what it must have looked like with none! Ha...it probably wasn't pretty ;)
But I mean---after 10 months of trying to get back on track, I'm pretty sure you would have been dancing to no music, too!!!
So, what next? Our dossier (remember, that's just the fancy adoption word for alllll of our paper work which contains every bit of personal information you can imagine) should arrive in AZ by the end of this week. Next the in country representative for our agency will take about a week to translate all of the documents. When she finishes, she will take it to the state committee. The state committee will then read through all of our paperwork: birth certificates, marriage certificate, home study, proof of employment, bank statements, tax returns, financial statements, medicals, passport copies, pictures of our home and family, a floor plan of our home, our property deed...
After learning every possible thing you could possibly know about us, they will decide if we are fit to parent a child from their country. If they do approve us, we will receive a referral for a child. We have requested a child of either gender, age three or younger, with minor special needs. Once the referral is received, we will have a couple of weeks to say yes or no to meeting that child.
If we make it to that point, I'll let you know the next steps!
So here is the part that makes me nervous. I'm going to be very real with you--so hang on tightly.
We have had so many ups and downs in this journey called "international adoption." There have been days of dancing in the kitchen...and days of sobbing at the kitchen table. The faith journey God is leading us on has been such a unique time in our lives. Never have we had to lean on Him so much...trusting that He has a plan for each turn in the road...trusting that we heard His voice and that we should put one foot in front of the other even when it makes no sense. Trusting that we hear Him still, compelling us to continue in the same path no matter how many potholes trap us and delay our progress.
Some days it is easy to forget that we are doing this to find a specific child God is leading us toward. Sometimes you want to throw in the towel and just take any child...I mean, they all need a home, right?! But God prepared us for this question, too. Back in August 2013 he brought this verse to my heart, and told me there was one for us. I shared it with Kyle and he agreed. Here is the page from my journal that day. (sooooo hard for me to put it all out there, but keep hanging on, this is going somewhere)
So, if you believe that God has a very specific plan for this adoption...if you trust that His timing is perfect...how do you pray? I know that the Bible tells us to ask for anything in his name and he will grant it. I know that if I want my prayers answered, I must pray for things that are in His will. So where is the line between asking God to do miracles and trusting his sovereign plan??
I have been wrestling with this question of how to pray since August 2014. In August, late one night as I lay awake trying to decide how to pray, I felt like God was telling me to go for it. To just trust Him enough to put it out there. To say what I really wanted Him to do. To just ask for it. So I did. I asked him that night, and almost every night since then, to bring our adoption to a close within a year from that day. Of course, then I was terrified! What if he doesn't answer with a yes? What if we hit another huge roadblock?? What will happen to my faith?! Will I trust that He is good even if he says "no?" Will I crumble? And yet I felt certain he wanted me to ask Him any way. So I do. I ask him to finish this before August 23, 2015. I dare to hope that He will say yes. But in the same prayer, I beg Him to strengthen my faith. I want to be like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego in Daniel 3. I want to be able to say with confidence, "God can rescue us from the power of you, the king (the one about to throw them into the furnace of fire). But even if He does not rescue us, we want you as king to know that we will not serve your gods..." In other words, I want to believe and proclaim that God CAN complete this adoption before August, 2015. BUT even if he does not choose to grant our request, I want to be able to say that I will worship HIM alone and still trust in His plan.
In December, I was praying my prayer and asking God if there was more I should be praying. This was the note I typed after spending some time listening in my heart.
Yes, it was really late...
So now I'm ready to stop sharing my deep dark with you and ready to ask you a question...well a few questions. If you are still reading, I just have to say THANK YOU! cause I know this is reallllllly long.
Will you commit to doing the following?
1. Will you pray that our dossier will arrive safely and quickly in AZ? And will you pray that the representative will be able to translate efficiently? Her name is Aida. Pray blessings on her.
2. Will you pray, as I did above, that the state committee would have favor on us? Would you ask God to lead them to the child He has set aside for us?
3. Would you pray that God would bring glory to himself through all of this? That someone who doesn't know Him might be open to knowing God because of our story?
4. On your weather app or your desktop or whatever you use to check the weather, will you add Baku, Azebaijan? and each night when you check the weather for tomorrow, will you see what the day will be like for Azerbaijan? Their time is 9 hours ahead of ours, so when you go to bed, they are waking up. Will you use that visual reminder of their weather to help you pray specifically for our little one?
Will you be a little bit crazy with us?? Will you dare to hope that God will answer exactly how we are asking him to? Will you risk being disappointed and have the faith to believe that God can do the impossible??? I'm not going to ask you to jump on the August 23, 2015 bandwagon unless you just really want to. But if you will commit to pray for the four things listed above, will you just leave a comment? It can be here on the blog or on facebook. The reason I ask is this: I know that when I commit to something quietly, in my mind or my heart, I am so easily distracted that I might forget. But when I commit out loud to pray , I am so much more likely to remember!
"Um...hey Becca, you know I don't really believe in God"---I know that not everyone who reads this is a Christian. You know I love you exactly as you are!...but I dare you to try praying anyway...might be an interesting experiment???
It is sunny and chilly in Baku today. Lord, will you keep our little one warm today? Will you send someone with an extra smile and an extra snuggle to love on our child?
Saturday, December 27, 2014
Fundraising Miracles
Exciting updates!!!
We had a second jewelry fundraiser that ended right after Thanksgiving and raised a grand total of $225!!! Thank you sooo much to everyone who went shopping, and a big thank you to Allison who was willing to host the fundraiser and give all of her profit to our adoption. We are so very thankful!
You may remember that we planned to end our puzzle fundraiser on Thanksgiving Day. When we announced at the end of September that we would be ending the puzzle fundraiser, only 327 out of 1008 pieces had been sponsored. Over the next two months, many people sent us their support and claimed pieces of the puzzle. By the day after Thanksgiving, 784 pieces had been sponsored!! We were waiting on a few more gifts that we knew were in the mail, so we didn't close up shop yet. What's crazy is that over the next month, donations continued to trickle in! We thought the puzzle was finished with 75 pieces remaining about two weeks ago, and we were THRILLED! We planned to use the remaining pieces to write the names of families that had supported us before this fundraiser. Well, God had other plans. On Christmas Eve, a Christmas gift for our little one arrived that filled those last 75 pieces, and then some! And here is the funny thing about how God works: The pieces were $3 each, right??? So math tells you we should have raised $3,024 from this fundraiser. Want to know how much we actually received?
$4,432.65
Haha, don't you think God might be laughing at us a little? We worry about things not going our way, or the way we expected, we worry that we won't have enough, we worry, worry, worry. We settle for the puzzle not really being finished. Meanwhile, he is providing over $1,000 more than we were hoping for. So many of you gave an extra dollar, or two...some of you really cheated and gave a certain amount of money and then only wanted a few pieces. Then there was the two of you who left $100 on our kitchen table sticking out from under the puzzle after Bible Study one night...but never told us who you were :P
We feel so very blessed. I wish I could come up with some magical words to express how totally thankful we are! The way you have all come along side us to help fund this adoption is overwhelming. What really blows our minds is that some of you are truly struggling financially, and yet you gave. You sacrificed out of your own needs to give to our little one. How loved he or she is and has yet to meet even one of you! And the gifts have come from all over--from our past and present. Middle school small group leader, high school friends, high school friends' parents, college friends, coworkers, friends, family...I could go on and on. I feel like the Grinch at the end of the book...as I counted up the total my heart must have grown three sizes! The puzzle will be hanging on the wall as soon as I buy some puzzle glue and write the names of those of you who gave before this fundraiser around the edges of the frame. Really--I could go on and on, but I'll end with this: Thank.you.so.much!
By the way, Kyle and I have decided to stop the fundraising for the foreseeable future. We want to wait until we get a referral to get a better idea of exactly how much more we will need. God works in crazy awesome ways, so for all we know he will come up with a way to make the money we have go all the way, or provide more in an unexpected way!
Stay tuned in the next week or so for an update about where we are in the process!!
We had a second jewelry fundraiser that ended right after Thanksgiving and raised a grand total of $225!!! Thank you sooo much to everyone who went shopping, and a big thank you to Allison who was willing to host the fundraiser and give all of her profit to our adoption. We are so very thankful!
You may remember that we planned to end our puzzle fundraiser on Thanksgiving Day. When we announced at the end of September that we would be ending the puzzle fundraiser, only 327 out of 1008 pieces had been sponsored. Over the next two months, many people sent us their support and claimed pieces of the puzzle. By the day after Thanksgiving, 784 pieces had been sponsored!! We were waiting on a few more gifts that we knew were in the mail, so we didn't close up shop yet. What's crazy is that over the next month, donations continued to trickle in! We thought the puzzle was finished with 75 pieces remaining about two weeks ago, and we were THRILLED! We planned to use the remaining pieces to write the names of families that had supported us before this fundraiser. Well, God had other plans. On Christmas Eve, a Christmas gift for our little one arrived that filled those last 75 pieces, and then some! And here is the funny thing about how God works: The pieces were $3 each, right??? So math tells you we should have raised $3,024 from this fundraiser. Want to know how much we actually received?
$4,432.65
Haha, don't you think God might be laughing at us a little? We worry about things not going our way, or the way we expected, we worry that we won't have enough, we worry, worry, worry. We settle for the puzzle not really being finished. Meanwhile, he is providing over $1,000 more than we were hoping for. So many of you gave an extra dollar, or two...some of you really cheated and gave a certain amount of money and then only wanted a few pieces. Then there was the two of you who left $100 on our kitchen table sticking out from under the puzzle after Bible Study one night...but never told us who you were :P
We feel so very blessed. I wish I could come up with some magical words to express how totally thankful we are! The way you have all come along side us to help fund this adoption is overwhelming. What really blows our minds is that some of you are truly struggling financially, and yet you gave. You sacrificed out of your own needs to give to our little one. How loved he or she is and has yet to meet even one of you! And the gifts have come from all over--from our past and present. Middle school small group leader, high school friends, high school friends' parents, college friends, coworkers, friends, family...I could go on and on. I feel like the Grinch at the end of the book...as I counted up the total my heart must have grown three sizes! The puzzle will be hanging on the wall as soon as I buy some puzzle glue and write the names of those of you who gave before this fundraiser around the edges of the frame. Really--I could go on and on, but I'll end with this: Thank.you.so.much!
By the way, Kyle and I have decided to stop the fundraising for the foreseeable future. We want to wait until we get a referral to get a better idea of exactly how much more we will need. God works in crazy awesome ways, so for all we know he will come up with a way to make the money we have go all the way, or provide more in an unexpected way!
Stay tuned in the next week or so for an update about where we are in the process!!
Friday, November 28, 2014
Thanksgiving, 2014
Don't you just love Thanksgiving?
My parents and my little sister came up to spend several days with us. It is hard to put in to words how wonderful the week was. I had a BLAST with my silly little sister.
In case you missed out on this last year, my parents adopted Janya exactly one year ago today (Nov 28), on Thanksgiving, 2013. Yes, my parents are in their 50's; yes, they have two grown children; yes, they are at the point in their lives where people are usually counting the days to retirement. But when God wants you to do something, you do it! My dad describes it as a journey God sent them on, piece by piece. We stayed up late on Monday night (like after midnight, which if you know my daddy is shocking!) talking about life and family and adoption. It really struck me as I listened again to all the events that led up to their decision to adopt how intimately God is involved in every single aspect of our lives; how he can weave the good and the bad into a beautiful picture of his glory and grace. Standing on this side of the adoption and looking back, Dad even said he was glad that he didn't always know God's whole plan.
Tuesday we kicked off the day with haircuts for Matthew and Kyle and a trip to the Popcorn Bag (duh). As we were leaving to head back home, my dear friend commented on how good it was to see an answered prayer in the flesh (meanwhile Janya was bounding out the door and skipping to the car, haha). And she was so right!
I realized that I have been sitting here for the last several months thinking how hard adoption is and how I'm pretty sure some people think we are crazy and how sometimes I FEEL crazy, but how I know this is where God is leading us. It is so easy to feel sorry for ourselves and feel like God isn't answering our prayers anymore.
But that is such a narrow view of the world. My parents certainly had people look at them like they were crazy. They had MANY many setbacks. There were times where they wondered if they were wrong. But as daddy told us on Monday night, when he doubted, Momma was still driven and committed. They balanced each other out...and all along the way they felt compelled by the Holy Spirit to continue to pursue the adoption of a little girl. And because they were obedient, I get to spend holidays with this girl:
God IS answering prayers. We have to be willing to wait on His timing for our little miracle to arrive. But I know that adoption is close to the Father's heart, and I trust and believe that he will see this adoption through to completion. I don't know when, I don't know how, but I know we will someday see the end.
As we went around the table Thanksgiving Day and said what we were thankful for, it was certainly heartwarming to hear Janya say she was thankful for her family.
But what really stuck with me was one thing my dad said. He said he was thankful that God has incredible plans for us that we can't even imagine. What are you thankful for today, this day AFTER Thanksgiving? I am thankful for parents who follow God wherever he leads, even if it appears crazy to the world and even most Christians. I'm thankful for a sister who fills our family with laughter and pictures like this:
PS: Stay Tuned in the next few weeks for fundraiser totals and an update on the process!
My parents and my little sister came up to spend several days with us. It is hard to put in to words how wonderful the week was. I had a BLAST with my silly little sister.
In case you missed out on this last year, my parents adopted Janya exactly one year ago today (Nov 28), on Thanksgiving, 2013. Yes, my parents are in their 50's; yes, they have two grown children; yes, they are at the point in their lives where people are usually counting the days to retirement. But when God wants you to do something, you do it! My dad describes it as a journey God sent them on, piece by piece. We stayed up late on Monday night (like after midnight, which if you know my daddy is shocking!) talking about life and family and adoption. It really struck me as I listened again to all the events that led up to their decision to adopt how intimately God is involved in every single aspect of our lives; how he can weave the good and the bad into a beautiful picture of his glory and grace. Standing on this side of the adoption and looking back, Dad even said he was glad that he didn't always know God's whole plan.
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| Outside the Orphanage, Gotcha Day 2013 |
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| One Year Later, Gotcha Day 2014 |
Tuesday we kicked off the day with haircuts for Matthew and Kyle and a trip to the Popcorn Bag (duh). As we were leaving to head back home, my dear friend commented on how good it was to see an answered prayer in the flesh (meanwhile Janya was bounding out the door and skipping to the car, haha). And she was so right!
I realized that I have been sitting here for the last several months thinking how hard adoption is and how I'm pretty sure some people think we are crazy and how sometimes I FEEL crazy, but how I know this is where God is leading us. It is so easy to feel sorry for ourselves and feel like God isn't answering our prayers anymore.
But that is such a narrow view of the world. My parents certainly had people look at them like they were crazy. They had MANY many setbacks. There were times where they wondered if they were wrong. But as daddy told us on Monday night, when he doubted, Momma was still driven and committed. They balanced each other out...and all along the way they felt compelled by the Holy Spirit to continue to pursue the adoption of a little girl. And because they were obedient, I get to spend holidays with this girl:
God IS answering prayers. We have to be willing to wait on His timing for our little miracle to arrive. But I know that adoption is close to the Father's heart, and I trust and believe that he will see this adoption through to completion. I don't know when, I don't know how, but I know we will someday see the end.
As we went around the table Thanksgiving Day and said what we were thankful for, it was certainly heartwarming to hear Janya say she was thankful for her family.
But what really stuck with me was one thing my dad said. He said he was thankful that God has incredible plans for us that we can't even imagine. What are you thankful for today, this day AFTER Thanksgiving? I am thankful for parents who follow God wherever he leads, even if it appears crazy to the world and even most Christians. I'm thankful for a sister who fills our family with laughter and pictures like this:
PS: Stay Tuned in the next few weeks for fundraiser totals and an update on the process!
Sunday, September 28, 2014
Trust Falls
Kyle and I were recently asked, "What is your greatest source of joy in your life right now? What is something joyful in your life?"
As I listened, I was kind of stumped...You see, we were still reeling from our last dose of bad news on this never ending adoption. And in the same way my sister-in-law's head is consumed with thoughts of the sweet baby growing inside of her, in the same way she would be consumed with worry if the doctor told her something was wrong...adoption has a way of totally consuming your thoughts. When things aren't going well...it can take over your life in a way that might push out joy.
Our bad news?
Because we are having to rebuild so much of our dossier,
Because we will have to have it translated again,
Because we will have to submit it to Azerbaijan again as if it had never been there before,
We need to pay all of the fees required by our new agency. All of them.
They are graciously giving us a discount that we will pay back if we are able to get more money back from the old agency...but we still have to repay almost everything we have paid up to this point in our adoption journey.
When I made another fancy spreadsheet to add it all up--fees to the agency for helping us understand and navigate the process, fees to the country for their time to process and review our paperwork, translations, plane tickets, travel fees, food during travel, a place to stay in AZ, etc...
deep breath.
$60,000.
Good news...bad news.
Good news! Through my two years working as a teacher and the donations we have received along the way, in addition to the roughly $25,000 we have already spent on this adoption, we have $39,000 saved!!!
Bad news...Raise your hand if you have heard me gushing about staying home with Matthew because we had all the money saved that we would need for the adoption?! ha. yeah.
So we are about $20,000 short. The school year has already begun, so no easy income (not that teaching is easy...just that the paycheck is a sure thing).
Can I tell you something, though? Kyle and I came to a conclusion in the midst of our "Holy crap, where will we find that kind of money?!?!?!" We realized that God could have easily arranged things so that we would have learned about how much we would be re-paying back in June...July...August. I don't believe it is a coincidence that we didn't realize until it was too late for me to find a job.
So the only conclusion we can draw is that HE plans to provide this money in some other not so obvious way.
And as I sat in that room, listening to others share about the Joy in their lives, I realized that this adoption journey IS bringing us joy.
Think of all the times God has already come through for us...providing money, encouragement, answers right when we need them. Our joy comes from learning to trust Him more each time a rock falls in our path. Our joy comes from growing closer to God and to each other as we navigate these dark and confusing waters. Our joy comes from the opportunity for me to stay home for *hopefully* a few years, watching Matthew grow and learn new things.
Faith is not easy. In fact, it is the hardest thing about following after what God has called us to. Each trust fall is bigger, farther, than the one before it.
But you know what?? Now that we have survived the initial shock of how much money we need God to provide...we are actually excited to see how He does it.
One more thing before I let you go:
We have decided to put a cap on the puzzle fundraiser. When our adoption started falling apart back in March, we kind of dropped the ball and lost all momentum on this fundraiser. We think it would be best to give it until Thanksgiving Day and then we are going to fill up any empty pieces with the names of people who have already given before the puzzle fundraiser. SO if you were planning to buy a puzzle piece and time got away from you--You have until Thanksgiving day to get us the money!! There is a pay pal link you can use here on the blog, or you can hand us cash, or check, or mail it!
Thank you for your support through prayer and giving and especially encouraging us when we feel hopeless. Adoption can be exhausting, and we are so so thankful for the support all of you give us so consistently.
As I listened, I was kind of stumped...You see, we were still reeling from our last dose of bad news on this never ending adoption. And in the same way my sister-in-law's head is consumed with thoughts of the sweet baby growing inside of her, in the same way she would be consumed with worry if the doctor told her something was wrong...adoption has a way of totally consuming your thoughts. When things aren't going well...it can take over your life in a way that might push out joy.
Our bad news?
Because we are having to rebuild so much of our dossier,
Because we will have to have it translated again,
Because we will have to submit it to Azerbaijan again as if it had never been there before,
We need to pay all of the fees required by our new agency. All of them.
They are graciously giving us a discount that we will pay back if we are able to get more money back from the old agency...but we still have to repay almost everything we have paid up to this point in our adoption journey.
When I made another fancy spreadsheet to add it all up--fees to the agency for helping us understand and navigate the process, fees to the country for their time to process and review our paperwork, translations, plane tickets, travel fees, food during travel, a place to stay in AZ, etc...
deep breath.
$60,000.
Good news...bad news.
Good news! Through my two years working as a teacher and the donations we have received along the way, in addition to the roughly $25,000 we have already spent on this adoption, we have $39,000 saved!!!
Bad news...Raise your hand if you have heard me gushing about staying home with Matthew because we had all the money saved that we would need for the adoption?! ha. yeah.
So we are about $20,000 short. The school year has already begun, so no easy income (not that teaching is easy...just that the paycheck is a sure thing).
Can I tell you something, though? Kyle and I came to a conclusion in the midst of our "Holy crap, where will we find that kind of money?!?!?!" We realized that God could have easily arranged things so that we would have learned about how much we would be re-paying back in June...July...August. I don't believe it is a coincidence that we didn't realize until it was too late for me to find a job.
So the only conclusion we can draw is that HE plans to provide this money in some other not so obvious way.
And as I sat in that room, listening to others share about the Joy in their lives, I realized that this adoption journey IS bringing us joy.
Think of all the times God has already come through for us...providing money, encouragement, answers right when we need them. Our joy comes from learning to trust Him more each time a rock falls in our path. Our joy comes from growing closer to God and to each other as we navigate these dark and confusing waters. Our joy comes from the opportunity for me to stay home for *hopefully* a few years, watching Matthew grow and learn new things.
Faith is not easy. In fact, it is the hardest thing about following after what God has called us to. Each trust fall is bigger, farther, than the one before it.
But you know what?? Now that we have survived the initial shock of how much money we need God to provide...we are actually excited to see how He does it.
One more thing before I let you go:
We have decided to put a cap on the puzzle fundraiser. When our adoption started falling apart back in March, we kind of dropped the ball and lost all momentum on this fundraiser. We think it would be best to give it until Thanksgiving Day and then we are going to fill up any empty pieces with the names of people who have already given before the puzzle fundraiser. SO if you were planning to buy a puzzle piece and time got away from you--You have until Thanksgiving day to get us the money!! There is a pay pal link you can use here on the blog, or you can hand us cash, or check, or mail it!
Thank you for your support through prayer and giving and especially encouraging us when we feel hopeless. Adoption can be exhausting, and we are so so thankful for the support all of you give us so consistently.
Tuesday, September 2, 2014
Like the string on a balloon...
I bought a book for our little one over a year ago. I keep it sitting in the bedroom that will one day belong to him/her (MAN I can't wait for the day I can stop saying "him/her").
This page.
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This is where we are right now. And it is HARD.
But here is the update: We had a great visit with our social worker a couple of weeks ago. We found out that our medicals and background checks are expired and have to be updated in order to update the home study. We will also need new DMV records, new employment verification and a letter from the bank. whew.
We are unfortunately in a time crunch right now (adoption is all about "hurry up and wait"). Our immigration approval will expire on October 1st. You can receive one free update/extension but you have to apply for it before the expiration. In order to apply, you need an updated home study...and in order to get an updated home study, you need allll the paperwork I mentioned above. Most of the items will be easy to receive in time. The only one we are worried about is the Virginia Child Abuse Clearances...They usually take several weeks. If we get it back soon, we will be able to apply for the extension. If we do not receive them until after October 1st, I am pretty sure we will have to reapply for approval and pay the fee again (over $900). Not the end of the world, but we would love to avoid that!
So, for now we are simply asking for your prayers. Could you please pray that our clearances will arrive in time?
This page.
This is where we are right now. And it is HARD.
But here is the update: We had a great visit with our social worker a couple of weeks ago. We found out that our medicals and background checks are expired and have to be updated in order to update the home study. We will also need new DMV records, new employment verification and a letter from the bank. whew.
We are unfortunately in a time crunch right now (adoption is all about "hurry up and wait"). Our immigration approval will expire on October 1st. You can receive one free update/extension but you have to apply for it before the expiration. In order to apply, you need an updated home study...and in order to get an updated home study, you need allll the paperwork I mentioned above. Most of the items will be easy to receive in time. The only one we are worried about is the Virginia Child Abuse Clearances...They usually take several weeks. If we get it back soon, we will be able to apply for the extension. If we do not receive them until after October 1st, I am pretty sure we will have to reapply for approval and pay the fee again (over $900). Not the end of the world, but we would love to avoid that!
So, for now we are simply asking for your prayers. Could you please pray that our clearances will arrive in time?
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