The prodigal writer has returned! Not that I have been spending my money or time recklessly (which is the real definition of "prodigal"), but I have left all of you hanging for quite some time now. I think that it is about time that I end the waiting. Well, I know that the most obvious question is, "What have you been doing all this time?" Well, I'm glad you asked because I was planning on telling you! To put it plainly, school started. It's funny that two words can really capture the essence of my absence from this blog. But, for those you who thrive on detail, you will be interested in knowing that, as of October 17, I have:
-- read 6 books (though there are 2 that I didn't finish completely by the due date)
-- written 1 book summary and a full-blown book review (10 pages)
-- completely outlined a four-hundred page book
-- turned in a 10 page budget project
--and by the end of October, I will add two more books and book reviews to that list.
Needless to say, I have been busy. And, just so you know, I'm not complaining. I just felt like you deserved at least a decent reason for my lack of contribution to the blog.
Well, enough of that. I actually do have something for you:
In exactly two weeks, Bec and I will have been married for 5 months. Quick show of hands: anybody else feel like time flew by on that one? Thought so. I feel like it was just yesterday that Bec and I were traveling to Gatlinburg for our honeymoon (Bec would probably say, "It feels like the wedding was just yesterday." But, that just shows where the priorities of a man and woman lie...wink...).
Anyyay, I bring it up because I have been learning a very profound lesson over the past 5 months. It's one that you 'married folk' probably already understanding, but for the sake of you blessed singles out there, I'm going say it anyway. You ready? Here goes: marriage isn't easy.
Profound, I know. For those of you who are either laughing or thought, maybe even uttered, the word, 'duh,' let me explain. I entered marriage with a wee bit of arrogance. I know that those of you who know me well know that I am never in the least bit arrogant (I totally just lied), but it is true. So, to my dismay, I have learned that marriage is not, in fact, as easy as eating a bag of doritos while lying on the couch and watching TV.
For instance, I can no longer stay up to watch tv after Bec gets off the phone with me so that she can go to sleep (We kind of live together now). Neither can I leave the tv on while I fall asleep. Time management is more difficult because you have to line things up with your spouse, and decision making...well, remember when you had to have your parent's permission to do something? To be honest, one of the things that does get easier is your ability to annoy to other person...
You can probably imagine that this was a little bit of a shock for me. Even more shocking, though, was finding out that neither one of us was any good at it (contrary to what any of you may believe). I have really struggled with this part. Many of you know that there is probably nothing that frustrates or depresses me more than being bad at something I care about. But there it was: my seeming inability to be the good husband that I desire to be. You may think I'm weird or raise an eyebrow at me, but it got bad enough at one point that I started thinking of myself as a failure as a husband. That scared me. I just couldn't figure out why.
To be honest, the answer is simple. We're not very good at it...because we have only been married for five months! Simple, I know. Yet, it is so profound.
And then it got me thinking. Marriage was given to us as a gift to show the world what it means to have a relationship with God (I could go into more of this, but I will save that for another time). That means that it marriage is not all that different from a entering into a relationship with Jesus Christ.
Here's what I mean. We sometimes have this misconception that an individual automatically becomes a good person when he becomes a Christian. This is evidenced everytime we say, "He's not the same person," or, "I can really see an immediate change in him." I'm not saying that this can't happen. After all, Paul did have a radical conversion. I do, however, think that we miss the fact that this radical conversion is not the normal pattern of scripture. Why else do you think Paul had to admonish Christians in the church to flee the sexual immorality of their past?
You see, salvation is a process. It's called sanctification, and it basically infers that you're not going to be very good at being a Christian when you become one. It's why we have a concept called discipleship, because we recognize that the Christian relationship with God needs to be developed. I've known Christians that have fallen away from the faith simply because they were not developed as believers. They fell prey to the fact that they weren't any good at the whole Christianity thing.
In my opinion, it's not all that different from a couple getting divorced. Why do couples separate? Because they come to the realization that marriage is hard, and they aren't any good at it. So, they leave each other in hopes of finding something else that is easier. It's a tragedy, especially when the husband and wife are both Christians.
There are a lot of us who scoff at these people. We can' believe they would do such a thing. But, here's the deal:
---If marriage is a gift from God that He uses as a picture of what it means to have a relationship with Him,
---and we recognize that we aren't very good at the whole Christianity thing and need discipleship to get better,
---then shouldn't the church take up the responsibility for discipling couples on how to have a successful marriage?
We as a church should stop blaming the couple and take some more responsiblity. The question at at the forefront of our minds should be, "Where did we go wrong in discipling them?"
Please hear me. It's not always the church's fault when a couple gets divorced. But, this should be our first response. I'm thankful that I have a pastor who recognizes this responsibility and takes it very seriously.
Christianity is not easy. Marriage is not easy. Both take work, and both require a church willing to disciple in both areas. But, I have found that there is no greater pleasure than growing in both my relationship with Christ and in my marriage to Becca because both bring honor to God. I may not be good at marriage yet, but "God's still working on me to make me what I ought to be." And you better believe that He is using His church to do it. Man, I love marriage.
your prodigal writer,
Kyle
P.S. Sorry for making you read a sentence with the word, 'know,' used three times.
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