Be Still

I know I need to write an update on our adoption, but it is hard when there is nothing to report.

Nothing.

If you’ve been following along, in February we learned that things are essentially at a stand-still in Azerbaijan.  That hasn’t changed.  We did attempt to move things along by asking for permission to send the agency’s liaison to visit an orphanage in hopes of identifying a child available for international adoption and requesting that child be registered.  The answer was a big, fat NOPE.  So, we’ve been waiting and praying and living.

We have decided--with Matthew starting KINDERGARTEN in the fall that I will be returning to work as a teacher (YAY!!!!).  I’ve had a few people ask if I’m nervous about my little one starting kindergarten and I tell them--Nope!!  I’m just going to go with him! ;)  I’m so very glad the Lord saw fit to bless Kyle and I with that little bundle of awesomeness five years and one week ago.  He has had us smitten ever since!  We still look at him every.single.night. before we go to bed...is that weird??

So I’m keeping myself busy around the house trying to complete all the projects I know I won’t have time for during the school year.

Discouragement over the adoption definitely pops up occasionally.  But God has this incredible way of knowing what we need when we need it.  I wasn’t really planning to share this whole story but here my fingers go typing it…

Last week--the day of Matthew’s birthday--was one of those days where lots of people wanted to know how things were progressing with the adoption.  I got to share several times during the day that nothing, no, nothing, nope, not a thing is happening.  Please don’t misunderstand me here, guys, I don’t want you to be afraid to ask how things are going with our adoption!  When people ask I know they care about us and our little one and that means the world to us!  But giving bad news repeatedly is still difficult, in spite of the encouragement of knowing how many care!  So by the time we went to bed that night I was feeling the discouragement pretty heavily.  As I was trying to sleep, I was essentially yelling at the Lord in my heart.  Why? When? How LONG, Oh, LORD?  I asked if he just wanted us to switch to a different country.  One that processes adoptions more frequently, one where we would be less likely to have such trouble.  Just tell me!  Just make it clear!  Just lead our hearts to another country and we will do the stupid paperwork again if you ask us to!!

I fell asleep somewhere in the midst of that pity party prayer.  The next morning it was wet.  AGAIN.  Cause this year in Virginia spring really means RAIN EVERY SINGLE DAY.  I was trying to get a couple of things finished in the morning before heading to the church where I am the Middle School Ministry’s very best volunteer (it helps that I’m married to the MS pastor, too…).  And I got a message from a sweet lady I knew through my teaching days a few years back.  She wanted to bring me something.  

You guys.  The way the timing of all this worked out was such a proof of how sweetly and gently God can correct and love my wandering heart.

She told me she knew someone who had been in Azerbaijan recently and she asked them to pick up a few things for us.  She tried to tell me it was no big deal...but to us it was everything.   We needed that encouragement desperately!  I fell asleep asking God to make it soooo clear where he wants us to adopt from.  What country?!  Lead our hearts somewhere!!!  And there, the very next morning standing in my driveway on a rainy day was the answer, clear as a bright sunshiny day.  A snow globe of a famous Azerbaijani monument, an exquisite vase handcrafted in Azerbaijan, a pair of knitted child’s slippers, and two traditional hats.  Sweet gifts from a sweet lady, used by God to whisper to our hearts “Wait for the Lord.  Be strong, take heart, and wait for the Lord.”

And so (as you’ve heard me say a bazillion times over the last four years) we wait.  We hope.  We move forward living life and serving the Lord the best we can in our broken, weak way.  We pray.  We wonder.  We imagine.  We surrender.  We sit back and let the Lord work through this process.

And He?  He loves.  He loves us, Matthew, our little one.  He draws us to Him.  He reveals himself to us in the wait.  He shows us the dark spaces in our hearts that we need to surrender to Him.  He encourages us.  He is fighting for us.  And what is impossible for us is easy to Him.  

It could be years.  It could be months.  It could be days.  However long this takes, we will continually, daily open our hands and give the plans in our hearts and minds up to the Lord and allow him to choose the path our lives take.  Thank you for checking in on us.  We are so thankful to be surrounded by so many family, friends, and I’m realizing--strangers!! who encourage us and pray for our little one daily.