Glorious Anticipation

There's a ride at Six Flags over Georgia, in Atlanta.  It's called Acrophobia--the fear of heights.

It is a popular ride, so there is usually a line to wait in.  As you wait you watch other people ahead of you get on with nervous faces and off with big smiles (or sometimes looking a little green).  You watch the people with Flash passes get in line after you and finish long before you.

Finally it is your turn.

You walk into a fenced off area and have a seat on one side of a 20 story tower.  After everyone is secure you are taken to the top fairly quickly.  But once you get to the top, they don't drop you right away.  As they rotate you slowly around the tower, they sing a silly song over the intercom.   Something like...

"Ring around the rosie,
Pocket full of posies..."

And at some point during the song your seat tips forward so you are looking at the ground, 20 stories below...all the people waiting in line looking like tiny little ants...

"Ashes, Ashes,
 We all fall..."

And you think maybe they will sing the whole song before the free fall starts, but they surprise you just before the end...

"down."

And then the adrenaline hits you as you plummet toward the concrete below--only to stop before actually becoming a pancake on the ground.

For three years and 8 months we have been waiting.  Waiting for so many things.  Waiting for initial approvals with an agency, waiting for clearances to come back, waiting for fingerprint appointments, home study interviews, doctors appointments, birth certificates, marriage license, translations...

And then it all crashed down around us and we started again from scratch.  And the waiting began again.  Fingerprints. Doctor Appointments. Background checks. Home Study Interviews. Translations, translations, translations.

Waiting, waiting, waiting.  Always waiting.  And watching as other people began adoptions after us and completed before us.  And so.many.babies.  Everywhere I look people are having babies.

And they would get off the ride with smiles or maybe looking a little green.  But they were out of the line!  Oh how I struggled with bitterness.  Questioned the Lord.  "Why didn't you give ME a flash pass?!  Why couldn't I have ONE more kid BEFORE we started this insanity?!  THREE years?!  How Long, Oh Lord!?"

And you've followed along.  You know how gently God has reminded me to wait for Him.  To take heart and wait.

But, Friends, can I tell you something?  With our dossier approved, we are strapped in to the ride and we have been taken to the top!  From where I sit I feel like I can see the world.  And I look around me and realize that so many of you are strapped in with me.  You have been waiting beside us and behind us, holding us up with your prayers.  We are all sitting here, listening to the ride controller singing his silly song.

"Round and round and round we go,
Where we stop..."

So many of you are holding your breath with us, waiting for the moment when we tip forward to look at the ground.

Waiting for the moment when the controller hits the button and the adrenaline surge begins.

I was talking to Kyle today about how very different I feel about the waiting we are doing now.  For almost 4 years it has been a wait full of dread.  "What will go wrong next?"  But now we wait with glorious anticipation.  It could still be a long wait.  It could.  But just knowing that we are up at the top...

Usually at Christmastime I look at our fourth stocking and just feel sadness.  There is definitely a piece of our puzzle that is missing.  We thought 2015 would be the year.  We truly did.  And I look at that stocking and I look at how I have reacted so often in this journey, and I'm surprised to find that I'm not sad.  The ache is there--the missing.  The wishing.  It's all still there, but the thing I feel most this Christmas is HOPE.  I look forward to the future with such hope.  Such anticipation.  And while there is a small voice that tells me to stuff that hope down, to not embrace it because if something else goes wrong, it will hurt more if there is hope...I'm doing my best to ignore that voice.  I choose to look toward 2016 with hope.   With anticipation of the free fall that will change our lives drastically.

Today is December 21st.  4 days until Christmas, 3 days until we end our fundraiser.  As of this moment we have 25 ornaments remaining.  75 have been purchased and are hanging on Christmas trees from Colorado to Alabama and Florida to Virginia...Family, neighbor friends, church friends, work friends, college friends, long lost friends, complete strangers, middle schoolers and adults.

I interrupt this blog post to say **Make that 24 remaining--one more was just claimed!**

So many people have contributed to this fundraiser and we are so incredibly thankful.  I'll probably drive you a bit crazy on Facebook for the next couple of days as I update the fundraiser, but then I promise to back off for a while! ;)  Here is an updated chart of the ornaments still remaining...

The Waiting List

Guess what! Guess what! Guess what!!!

Ok, I'll tell you.

Our paperwork has been reviewed and we are APPROVED to adopt from Azerbaijan and our names are on the waiting list!  

Woooooo Hoooooooooo!

I just love it when we make progress!

Sooooo now what?

We wait.  Isn't that always the answer?!?!  We could receive a referral any day now OR it could still be a few (several) months.   

But here is what I do know.  When it happens, it will happen FAST.  Suddenly we will be buying tickets to travel around the world to meet the little one we have all been praying for these three years.  Suddenly we will be putting life on hold for a week and a half to go and see and hold our little one!  Then we will come home to await our court date while frantically preparing our home for another kid!  Then back we will fly around the world for court, then a wait of a few weeks before finally getting our new child's visa and bringing him/her home.  AND BY THEN WE CAN ALL STOP SAYING HIM/HER!  That will be a glorious day.

We are a little excited around here. 

Just a little.

In other news, we are still doing the ornament fundraiser for another 15 days!  Out of 100 ornaments, 45 remain to be claimed.  Do you know---even perfect strangers have heard about our fundraiser and purchased ornaments!
If you are interested, let me know!  Here is an image of which ornaments are still up for grabs:

In case you missed out before, click here for the post about how the fundraiser works!

And finally--I want you all to know just how much your prayers and support mean to us.  Sometimes after three years of working through this process and hitting so many road blocks, we get tired of praying...tired of asking for the same things over and over, day after day, year after year.  When you remind us that you are praying, it encourages our hearts to know that even when we feel like we have run out of words, someone else is still standing in the gap for us.  Thank you so very much.

And now, these lovely pictures...

Adoption Ornament Fundraiser

Don’t you just love this time of year?!  It’s my favorite.  After Halloween is over it’s Thanksgiving season, in my book.  I start talking to Momma about what we will eat on the big day (as if it ever changes) and stalking Pinterest for Christmas decorating ideas.  Thanksgiving, to me, is Pre-Christmas season.  I love that Thanksgiving makes us pause and appreciate what God has blessed us with.  Hopefully it helps us all focus on what actually matters before being accosted by the tempting deals the day after!

This year, as in years past, I can’t help but wonder as each holiday rolls by, “Will we have another little one to buy a Halloween costume for next year? Will we need to squeeze another chair around the table? Will we be filling that empty stocking this time next year?”

Lord willing, and by His will alone.

But things are going so well with our adoption, it’s hard not to be hopeful!!  The state committee in Baku has all of our paper work, including the translations.  We have established great relationships with people who work at the Azerbaijani Embassy in Washington, D.C. and they are well known by the state committee and speaking positively on our behalf.  The committee is working through every detail, making sure we will be good parents to a child from their country.  They have the enormous responsibility of matching our family to just the right child.  I pray daily for wisdom for each member of the committee and that the Lord would lead them to just the right child for us.

With things looking so positive for our adoption, we must start looking to the future and preparing for the possibility of a referral in the coming months.  Along with a referral will come many more fees and several international flights.  Kyle and I have prayed about how God plans to provide for our upcoming expenses and decided that the National Adoption Awareness Month (November) and the Christmas season is a great time to do an

Ornament Fundraiser!

Here is the plan:

We have made 100 ornaments (crafty, I know) like this one:

There are a variety of colors--red, green, yellow, orange

Rather than sell them all for one flat fee (cause that’s boring) we will be numbering the ornaments, 1 through 100 and selling each ornament for its number’s dollar amount.  For example, the ornament numbered 61 would cost $61, and the ornament numbered 5 would cost $5.  Our hope is that this will open up the door for a variety of people who want to contribute toward bringing our little one home.  

So what do you do if you want to be a part of this fundraiser?

1. Send me a private message on Facebook or direct message on Instagram, or catch me wherever you happen to see me and tell me which ornament you would like to purchase.  If it has not been claimed, I will get it to you as soon as possible!  If you live here in Virginia, the best way to pay for the ornament would be cash or check and we will give you the ornament in person.  If you live elsewhere, we have a link here on the blog for donating through a PayPal account.  Just let me know that you have paid through PayPal (I will also get an email from PayPal).  You can also send a check through the mail, if you would prefer!  If you live in Alabama, we will probably send several ornaments to our families in Birmingham and have you connect with them to deliver the ornament so we can save money on shipping!

2. When you receive your limited edition Kelley Adoption Ornament (you like what I did there?) hang it on your Christmas tree and snap a photo!  Share the photo on Facebook or Instagram with #kelleyAZadoption to spread the word.

3. Every day when you admire your lovely Christmas tree (you know you do) and you see your limited edition Kelley Adoption Ornament, please pray for our little one.  Pray that God would show our little one love and comfort and that He would see fit to bring him/her home soon.

4. Save your ornament to hang on your tree year after year as a reminder that God asks us to care for orphans.  In future years when you see the ornament, pray for orphans around the world and ask God how he would have you care for them.

We are opening sales for the Kelley Adoption Ornament today!  Sales will end on Christmas Eve.  Please prayerfully consider claiming an ornament for your Christmas tree!  We will use a chart like the one below to let you know which ornaments are still available.

When the answer is yes

Oh, what a difficult feeling it is when you beg God for something day after day for a year and the answer is no.  I told you all about how that feels in my last post.

But over the last month, my eyes have been opened to all of the ways God is also saying YES to my prayers.

I was reading my Bible on August 25...two days after God chose not to give me what I wanted...a completed adoption.  Hidden away in my bedroom, I sat in my comfy chair by the window with my coffee mug and a heart full of questions, doubts, and bitterness over what felt like such a loss to me--an adoption that was no closer to ending than it had been 9 months before.  I was reading in Genesis that day...but it was not penetrating my heart.  Often when my heart is heavy, I turn to the Psalms to find one that will communicate what I'm feeling.  So many times over the years, the Spirit has led me to a psalm that says what I feel...and I pray it to the Lord.

As I flipped through at random, my eyes scanning for a phrase or a word that might ease what I was feeling, I came across Psalm 73.  The phrase that caught my eye was "God is indeed good to Israel."

Over the last several months, I have started to doubt God's goodness.  I hope you don't mind me being real with you.  I know I'm married to a pastor and all, but my faith is still the faith of a human.  I didn't doubt His power, his strength, his knowledge.  But I wondered why, why, why would he drag this adoption out so very long?  There is a child out there who needs a home!  What is taking so long?

I saw this phrase about God's goodness to his people.  So I began to read.

The first half of this psalm is full of moaning and groaning by the author.  He, like me, was doubting God's goodness.  He was wondering if it was really worth it to follow the Lord.  If there was really any benefit to following the Lord.

I've read psalms like this before and thought they were strange...the doubting, the questions...they didn't make sense to me!  But this time, I found my heart saying, "Yeah!  What good are You???"  But then I hit verse 21-22.

"When I became embittered and my innermost being was wounded, I was a fool and didn't understand;  I was an unthinking animal toward you."

Oh.  That's me.  It was like a slap to the face.  That's me!  That's my heart.  Embittered!  Talking to God like I know better than He does about how things should work.

When I told our small group about it I pulled up a different version on my phone by accident.  And that version actually said "I was a stupid animal toward you."

Ouch.

But I kept reading.  The psalmist talks about how God is always with him.  How being with God is his biggest desire.  Then verse 28, the end of this psalm:

"But as for me, God's presence is my good.  I have made the Lord God my refuge so I can tell about all You do."

God's presence is my good.  A completed adoption is not my good.  A "Yes" to everything I ask for is not my good.  God's presence is my good.

And I knew that to be true in that moment because His presence was so real to me.  So sweet.  Like when you come home after a bad day at school and your mom or dad just gives you a hug.  And it is so good.

I apologized then and there for the bitterness that had taken root in my heart.  And it was gone!  And I am forgiven.

And then I realized something...I've been praying for a very long time that above all, I would trust Him.  I wrote about that back in January.  As I sat on my chair, marveling at how light my heart felt with the bitterness gone, I realized that God had answered that prayer with His presence, and it made me trust Him.

Don't misunderstand me.  Trusting God doesn't mean that life becomes a piece of cake and you never get frustrated again.  It doesn't mean that you never doubt again.  It means that you choose for your heart to be anchored above and you aren't blown over every time something doesn't go your way.

This last week has been more good news, more times where God has answered, "YES."  The translations are completed and on their way to Azerbaijan!  We met with our social worker to update the home study and were hoping and praying that we wouldn't have to do a third round of background checks, medicals, and records.  And we don't!!  Another YES!

I've been dancing and singing praises.  I'm so thankful for progress!  I'm so thankful for "Yes!"  But more than anything, I'm so thankful that God is helping me trust Him...that He "holds my right hand and guides me with His counsel." (Psalm 73:23-24)

So what now?

We are waiting for the state committee to review our dossier and approve us.
We are hoping they won't want any additional paper work.
We are preparing to file for an extension with immigration since the last one expires soon.

"How much longer?"  I've been asked that a few times over the weekend.
Honestly?
We could be done by Christmas--just a few months.
More likely it will be sometime after that.
We could hit more huge road blocks and an indefinite amount of time.

God knows what the future holds.  So we're going to concentrate on clinging to His hand and following His counsel and living in the goodness of His Presence.  When He tells ME the plan, I'll let you know!

When the answer is no

What do you do when you dare to hope
when you say, "Ok God.  I'm gonna just pray big things and ask for it..."
When you think "Surely this time.  This summer.  I mean really, surely a year from now..."

What do you do when the answer is still no?

When eight months after telling the facebook world the secret prayer in your heart
*August 23.  Lord, let it be done by then*
Eight months, and you are still waiting on translations.

Translations.

Not waiting for approval.
Not waiting for a referral.
Not waiting for a court date.

Translations.

"How long will it take to translate the dossier?"
"Oh, only a couple of weeks."

And you are all so kind to ask me how things are going with the adoption.  Family, friends, church members, neighbors.

Raise your hand if I have accidentally rolled my eyes at you in the past 5 months or so??
I promise I'm not rolling my eyes at you.  I know you ask because you care.  It's just.

EIGHT MONTHS FOR TRANSLATIONS???




To be perfectly honest with you  (cause at this point I may as well be, right?) Last August 23rd as I lay in bed late at night, I was daring to ask God for something I figured would be happening anyway.  I mean, I knew it would require Him to move things along and all---but after being in this process since April 2012, I figured SURELY we would be wrapping things up by August 23rd 2015.  OF COURSE He will say YES this time.

But he didn't.  We are not going to have a new little one in our home on August 23, 2015.  The bedroom is still empty.  The walls aren't painted.  The generic bedspread still covers the bed.  There are no pictures on the wall.  The only clothes in the closet are the ones Matthew has outgrown, and one that says "Big Brother" in big blue letters that he will probably never wear because he will outgrow it soon.

You know, he was just telling his best friend yesterday that he couldn't wait to meet his brother or sister.  To which his buddy responded "Me either!  I get to meet mine first!"  Yep.  That is probably true.

And yet the only real disappointment here is mine.  God hasn't changed.  Sure, He said no.  But what does that really mess up?  What does that prove?

Only that I'm not in charge here.

I told Kyle recently that the real reason this adoption is so hard for me is that I have these plans.  And I can't stand that my plans are constantly being annihilated.

What is the balance between asking God for big things and trusting in His timing and His plan?

I have no idea.

I sit on our little one's bed every day to pray for him/her (OH FOR THE DAY WHEN I CAN USE ONE PRONOUN).  And each day as I write out the prayer in my heart, I feel like the Holy Spirit holds up a mirror for me to look at what He sees.

My faith is so weak.
I am so fragile.
I am not worthy of the love God continually shows me.

And yet, He continues to love me.  Not by giving me what I want when I want it (anyone who has spent anytime with children knows that isn't really love).

He loves me daily in so many ways.

Through His Word.
"Wait for me,"  He says.
"Be strong, take heart, wait for me."
(Psalm 27)

Through a song
"Faith makes a fool of what makes sense
But grace found my heart where logic ends
When justice called for all my debts
The Friend of sinners came instead"
Here Now (Madness)~Hillsong

A text from a friend
"Praying these specifics today!   Love you all....Brother sister is going to be so blessed and excited to be in your arms very soon!  Trusting with you! Hugs!"

A reminder from someone who is praying while checking the weather in Baku.
"Praying for your kiddo tonight! It's chilly in Baku..."

A facebook message out of the blue
"I woke up with you on my mind today.  Prayed for you and wanted you to know that the Lord is bringing you to mind!  Praying today is a big day in your journey!"

He has even been known to love me through tiny red shot glasses full of Diet Dr. Pepper and a few friends around the kitchen table.

He loves me through my 4 year old.
"Mommy, can we snuggle?"  So glad I have him.

He loves me by saving me---and letting me keep my salvation no matter how many times I doubt Him!  How does that make sense?

And yet I believe it to be true.  And if I can't make sense of something that is the most foundational truth of my life, why do I expect to make sense of such a long adoption process?

I can't explain it.  I don't know why.  But I do know that God called us to this.  And I know that we won't stop unless we hear clearly from God that we should.

This is long.  I'm going to stop now.  I'll leave you with these two things:
1. We are still waiting on 7 documents (out of 24) to be translated and sent back to our agency.  I won't go into the whole story now, but I will tell you that we ended up having the Azerbaijani embassy in DC do the translations.  The seven documents we are still waiting on include the four largest documents in the dossier (home study, home study addendum, tax return, and bank statements).  I have no idea when they will be finished.
2.  If you have Netflix, you should take an hour and a half one evening and watch Stuck.  It is a documentary about international adoption that gives a good overview of the politics that can cause adoptions to drag out for extended periods of time.

Thank you for continuing to stick it out with us for so long.  Keep praying for our little one!  It is HOT in Baku this time of year!

I do believe, help my unbelief

Lord, above all, I want to trust you.

Some days, when I pray about our adoption, this is as far as I get.

But I can feel the Spirit working in my heart.  Slowly but surely, day by day, teaching me to let go of my plans and notions of how I thought this adoption, my family, how I expected life to go.

My senior year of college, in my very last semester, our instructors asked us to draw a picture of what we would be doing one, five, and ten years from that moment.  It is now seven years later.  Life isn't at all what I planned for.  I never expected that my first child would still be an only child on his fourth birthday.   I expected to be thinking about a third child by now.  When we began this adoption process three years ago, it never crossed my mind that three years later there would be no end in sight.  I never expected to go through three agencies and two dossiers.  I never expected it to take over four months to translate our second dossier.  I don't like knowing that any life change--new baby, new puppy, new home, new illness, any change would require a revised home study (and the money to pay for it) and new translations (and the fees for that).

But daily, slowly, God is reminding me that His ways are not my ways and His thoughts are not my thoughts.  As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are His ways higher than my ways and His thoughts than my thoughts (Isaiah 55:8-9).  Again and again I feel the Spirit ask, "Do you trust me?"  And in those moments when I don't, a verse from James comes to mind, and the words seem to change as I think of them:

"Come now, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city (Baku) and spend a year there and trade and make a profit (adopt a child),' yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring.  What is your life?  For you are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.  Instead you ought to say, 'If the LORD wills, we will (go to Azerbaijan and adopt a child)."

James 4:13-15, parenthesis mine

And He asks---Do you trust me?

I do believe; help my unbelief. (Mark 9:24)

So I go to what I know.
I know the Lord led us to start this process three years ago.
I know the Lord cares about orphans.
I know the Lord loves my kids more perfectly than I ever could.
I know the Lord loves me and wants what is best for me--and that will bring Him glory.
I know the Lord can accomplish the impossible.

So I wait.  Above all, Lord, I want to trust you.  Please, please, please bring our little one home soon!

Our dossier is still waiting to be translated.  The original, English copy is sitting on a desk in the State Committee offices.  Someone there was able to read through it to see if we are missing any documents.  We aren't missing anything.  The director at our agency was able to arrange for the Azerbaijani Embassy in Washington, D.C. to translate the dossier for us from a copy of the original.  This is wonderful because it will save us over $2,000 from the place in country that was originally going to translate.  The embassy has had a copy of our dossier for a few weeks, but the translator has been ill.  He(she) is back in the office now, and so we wait.

Do you trust me? Yes, Lord.  Today I trust you.

You are all so wonderful, sticking with us through these three years.  Just this weekend I had several people ask if there was an update.  And I love how God prompts some of you at random times to push me back to my knees in prayer, at just the right time...a facebook message from a college friend; a text from a friend with the weather report from Baku; a phone call from a friend reminding me to cherish this time I have to pray for a child, my child, whom I have never met, whose name I don't know.  I wish I had the words to express how much your support means to Kyle and me.  Please, don't stop.

Please pray that
1. The dossier would be translated quickly, correctly, and efficiently.
2. The State Committee would have favor on us and approve our dossier and us as adoptive parents.
3. The Lord would direct the State Committee to the child He has for us.
4. Our little one will be blessed and cared for as he or she waits for a family.

Even though she is not translating our papers as we originally thought, continue to pray for Aida as she is our liaison with the State Committee.

It is early morning and cloudy in Baku today, with the promise of rain most of the day.  Lord, keep my little one dry and send someone with a hug and a smile to brighten this day for our child.

Dare to Hope

Oh I am so EXCITED to write this post!

Also a little nervous...but we will get to that part later.

I mean, this one has been floating around in my head for at least 2 months!  Finally, today I heard the news: your dossier will be on its way to Azerbaijan this afternoon.  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Sorry--the excitement, I just can't even think straight!  I'll be honest--I danced around my kitchen to no music today when I heard the news.   And if you have ever seen me dance with music, you can imagine what it must have looked like with none! Ha...it probably wasn't pretty ;)

But I mean---after 10 months of trying to get back on track, I'm pretty sure you would have been dancing to no music, too!!!

So, what next?  Our dossier (remember, that's just the fancy adoption word for alllll of our paper work which contains every bit of personal information you can imagine) should arrive in AZ by the end of this week.  Next the in country representative for our agency will take about a week to translate all of the documents.  When she finishes, she will take it to the state committee.  The state committee will then read through all of our paperwork: birth certificates, marriage certificate, home study, proof of employment, bank statements, tax returns, financial statements, medicals, passport copies, pictures of our home and family, a floor plan of our home, our property deed...

After learning every possible thing you could possibly know about us, they will decide if we are fit to parent a child from their country.  If they do approve us, we will receive a referral for a child.  We have requested a child of either gender, age three or younger, with minor special needs.  Once the referral is received, we will have a couple of weeks to say yes or no to meeting that child.

If we make it to that point, I'll let you know the next steps!

So here is the part that makes me nervous.  I'm going to be very real with you--so hang on tightly.

We have had so many ups and downs in this journey called "international adoption."  There have been days of dancing in the kitchen...and days of sobbing at the kitchen table.  The faith journey God is leading us on has been such a unique time in our lives.  Never have we had to lean on Him so much...trusting that He has a plan for each turn in the road...trusting that we heard His voice and that we should put one foot in front of the other even when it makes no sense.  Trusting that we hear Him still, compelling us to continue in the same path no matter how many potholes trap us and delay our progress.

Some days it is easy to forget that we are doing this to find a specific child God is leading us toward.  Sometimes you want to throw in the towel and just take any child...I mean, they all need a home, right?!  But God prepared us for this question, too.  Back in August 2013 he brought this verse to my heart, and told me there was one for us.  I shared it with Kyle and he agreed.  Here is the page from my journal that day.  (sooooo hard for me to put it all out there, but keep hanging on, this is going somewhere)

So, if you believe that God has a very specific plan for this adoption...if you trust that His timing is perfect...how do you pray?  I know that the Bible tells us to ask for anything in his name and he will grant it.  I know that if I want my prayers answered, I must pray for things that are in His will.  So where is the line between asking God to do miracles and trusting his sovereign plan??

I have been wrestling with this question of how to pray since August 2014.  In August, late one night as I lay awake trying to decide how to pray, I felt like God was telling me to go for it.  To just trust Him enough to put it out there.  To say what I really wanted Him to do.  To just ask for it.  So I did.  I asked him that night, and almost every night since then, to bring our adoption to a close within a year from that day.  Of course, then I was terrified!  What if he doesn't answer with a yes?  What if we hit another huge roadblock??  What will happen to my faith?!  Will I trust that He is good even if he says "no?"  Will I crumble?  And yet I felt certain he wanted me to ask Him any way.  So I do.  I ask him to finish this before August 23, 2015.  I dare to hope that He will say yes.  But in the same prayer, I beg Him to strengthen my faith.  I want to be like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego in Daniel 3.  I want to be able to say with confidence, "God can rescue us from the power of you, the king (the one about to throw them into the furnace of fire).  But even if He does not rescue us, we want you as king to know that we will not serve your gods..."  In other words, I want to believe and proclaim that God CAN complete this adoption before August, 2015.   BUT even if he does not choose to grant our request, I want to be able to say that I will worship HIM alone and still trust in His plan.

In December, I was praying my prayer and asking God if there was more I should be praying.  This was the note I typed after spending some time listening in my heart.

Yes, it was really late...

So now I'm ready to stop sharing my deep dark with you and ready to ask you a question...well a few questions.  If you are still reading, I just have to say THANK YOU! cause I know this is reallllllly long.  

Will you commit to doing the following?

1.   Will you pray that our dossier will arrive safely and quickly in AZ?  And will you pray that the representative will be able to translate efficiently?  Her name is Aida.  Pray blessings on her.

2.   Will you pray, as I did above, that the state committee would have favor on us?  Would you ask God to lead them to the child He has set aside for us?

3.  Would you pray that God would bring glory to himself through all of this?  That someone who doesn't know Him might be open to knowing God because of our story?

4.  On your weather app or your desktop or whatever you use to check the weather, will you add Baku, Azebaijan?  and each night when you check the weather for tomorrow, will you see what the day will be like for Azerbaijan?  Their time is 9 hours ahead of ours, so when you go to bed, they are waking up.  Will you use that visual reminder of their weather to help you pray specifically for our little one?

Will you be a little bit crazy with us??  Will you dare to hope that God will answer exactly how we are asking him to?  Will you risk being disappointed and have the faith to believe that God can do the impossible???  I'm not going to ask you to jump on the August 23, 2015 bandwagon unless you just really want to.  But if you will commit to pray for the four things listed above, will you just leave a comment?  It can be here on the blog or on facebook.  The reason I ask is this:  I know that when I commit to something quietly, in my mind or my heart, I am so easily distracted that I might forget.  But when I commit out loud to pray , I am so much more likely to remember!

"Um...hey Becca, you know I don't really believe in God"---I know that not everyone who reads this is a Christian.  You know I love you exactly as you are!...but I dare you to try praying anyway...might be an interesting experiment???

It is sunny and chilly in Baku today.  Lord, will you keep our little one warm today?  Will you send someone with an extra smile and an extra snuggle to love on our child?