Lord, above all, I want to trust you.
Some days, when I pray about our adoption, this is as far as I get.
But I can feel the Spirit working in my heart. Slowly but surely, day by day, teaching me to let go of my plans and notions of how I thought this adoption, my family, how I expected life to go.
My senior year of college, in my very last semester, our instructors asked us to draw a picture of what we would be doing one, five, and ten years from that moment. It is now seven years later. Life isn't at all what I planned for. I never expected that my first child would still be an only child on his fourth birthday. I expected to be thinking about a third child by now. When we began this adoption process three years ago, it never crossed my mind that three years later there would be no end in sight. I never expected to go through three agencies and two dossiers. I never expected it to take over four months to translate our second dossier. I don't like knowing that any life change--new baby, new puppy, new home, new illness, any change would require a revised home study (and the money to pay for it) and new translations (and the fees for that).
But daily, slowly, God is reminding me that His ways are not my ways and His thoughts are not my thoughts. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are His ways higher than my ways and His thoughts than my thoughts (Isaiah 55:8-9). Again and again I feel the Spirit ask, "Do you trust me?" And in those moments when I don't, a verse from James comes to mind, and the words seem to change as I think of them:
"Come now, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city (Baku) and spend a year there and trade and make a profit (adopt a child),' yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, 'If the LORD wills, we will (go to Azerbaijan and adopt a child)."
James 4:13-15, parenthesis mine
And He asks---Do you trust me?
I do believe; help my unbelief. (Mark 9:24)
So I go to what I know.
I know the Lord led us to start this process three years ago.
I know the Lord cares about orphans.
I know the Lord loves my kids more perfectly than I ever could.
I know the Lord loves me and wants what is best for me--and that will bring Him glory.
I know the Lord can accomplish the impossible.
So I wait. Above all, Lord, I want to trust you. Please, please, please bring our little one home soon!
Our dossier is still waiting to be translated. The original, English copy is sitting on a desk in the State Committee offices. Someone there was able to read through it to see if we are missing any documents. We aren't missing anything. The director at our agency was able to arrange for the Azerbaijani Embassy in Washington, D.C. to translate the dossier for us from a copy of the original. This is wonderful because it will save us over $2,000 from the place in country that was originally going to translate. The embassy has had a copy of our dossier for a few weeks, but the translator has been ill. He(she) is back in the office now, and so we wait.
Do you trust me? Yes, Lord. Today I trust you.
You are all so wonderful, sticking with us through these three years. Just this weekend I had several people ask if there was an update. And I love how God prompts some of you at random times to push me back to my knees in prayer, at just the right time...a facebook message from a college friend; a text from a friend with the weather report from Baku; a phone call from a friend reminding me to cherish this time I have to pray for a child, my child, whom I have never met, whose name I don't know. I wish I had the words to express how much your support means to Kyle and me. Please, don't stop.
Please pray that
1. The dossier would be translated quickly, correctly, and efficiently.
2. The State Committee would have favor on us and approve our dossier and us as adoptive parents.
3. The Lord would direct the State Committee to the child He has for us.
4. Our little one will be blessed and cared for as he or she waits for a family.
Even though she is not translating our papers as we originally thought, continue to pray for Aida as she is our liaison with the State Committee.
It is early morning and cloudy in Baku today, with the promise of rain most of the day. Lord, keep my little one dry and send someone with a hug and a smile to brighten this day for our child.
