I just came down from tucking our daughter into bed.
Our daughter. That will never get old.
I find that as the days pass I am increasingly more in awe of how the Lord wove together the pieces of our story and her story. When I look around I see His kindness in the timing...in the waiting. Daily I look at our little answered prayer and think, “Really? She is really truly here? She is part of our family forever?”
Our lives have shifted so significantly in the last six months. We knew bringing Eliana into our lives would change our family, but in the same way we didn’t know what was coming when Matthew was born, we really had no idea what was coming with this one, either!
April 20th marked six months since we landed in DC. Our girl continues to amaze us with how well she is adjusting. Eliana is still mostly unable to form recognizable words with her mouth due to the unrepaired cleft palate. Instead, she has learned and uses over 100 signs to communicate. Eliana knows signs for all her favorite foods, toys, clothes, people, a few emotions, and lots of animals! She tries to speak verbally and of course we are encouraging her to be verbal as much as possible--but the signs have alleviated so much frustration at an inability to talk about the world around her.
We have recently started putting Eliana in a Sunday morning class and she LOVES it. I also love it because it means Kyle and I can finally sit in church together again! Our family has also been able to start attending our weeknight Connect Group again and Kyle and I have also managed to go on a couple of dates, thanks to our favorite babysitter ;).
We are working through the process of re-adopting Eliana here in the grand ole USA so she can have a Virginia “birth certificate” of foreign birth, which will be helpful with obtaining a US passport and someday driver’s license and future jobs, etc.
As far as Eliana’s medical needs, she had dental surgery on April 1 to finally give her a break from the pain of her teeth decaying. She had four teeth pulled, many cavities filled, 12 teeth capped, one baby root canal, and the final four teeth got sealed. Eliana was totally back to herself after about 24 hours and has been better and better ever since. We’ve noticed she tries to talk more now that she isn’t in pain and while she still drools it isn’t nearly as much as before when she would soak through her shirt in minutes. In mid July Eliana will have surgery to repair her palate and place tubes in her ears as well as some medical testing.
Eliana’s attachment to us is undeniable and seems to continually grow healthier with time. We’ve gone through many different stages as she has learned to trust us. Like the “if I cry at night they’ll come hold me” stage. Or the “wait, are you going to leave me here?” stage. Or the “I guess if you want me to open my mouth for yet another doctor I will” stage. We are still in the “new people who are super nice to me and make eye contact freak me out at first because Mom and Dad were super nice and they took me home with them” stage. But it is all part of the process! Even the harder stages show growth, and I’m thankful for people who remind me of that when I’m pulling my hair out over lost sleep!
Matthew continues to be such a great big brother. He has learned signs along with Eliana and often helps family or babysitters understand her. They play together so well and Matthew is good about letting us know when he needs a break or wants some one on one time with Mommy or Daddy.
Now, I don’t want to paint the picture that life after adoption is a piece of cake. If you’ve followed along from the beginning you know I like to keep it real here. For me, the most difficult adjustment has been a lack of face to face eye contact with other people! Let me explain...As the mommy of a little girl who is old enough to speak in sentences but can only do that with her hands, I am her interpreter. When I am with her, I am looking at her. Constantly. I narrate her signs to the people she wants to talk to and I respond when she wants to talk about something new. When we have a playdate, I’m calling out across the room or yard or playground “Trees, she’s telling you about the trees!” “Ball! She is signing ball, she wants to play ball with you.” “Help? You are asking for help? I’ll come help you!”
I am an introvert whose “love language” is quality time. I love to sit across a table from a person and look them in the eye and talk about real stuff. But I’ve got to tell you...that is hard to do when my eyes are glued to my girl! These six months have been much lonelier than I expected.
With Kyle’s increased responsibilities at work and Eliana’s needs at home, I find myself in a very different stage of life. No longer a teacher...unable to be very involved with ministry at church. I’ve come to realize that my ministry right now, my purpose in this season is to serve the Lord by serving my family. I know this stage won’t last forever...and if there’s anything the Lord has taught me these last seven years it is that he has me where he wants me. I need only to be still. To love where I am and who I am with. Not to spend my days looking for the next season but to serve Him in the season where He has me today.
I’m so grateful for the journey that God set us on seven years ago. It was hard. Some places were very dark. I’ve learned that God does in fact give us so much more than we can handle. And that is the point. When you’ve finally fallen apart--when you are broken down from the brokenness in the world and you look at Him and say “I don’t understand you, but I still choose you, I still trust you.” There is where you find peace. There is where you find hope. We don’t get ourselves through the impossible seasons...he does. If your season is impossible, there is hope...although it won’t be found in the plans you set out for yourself. I am under no illusion that life is going to be all fairy dust from here on. But I hope and I pray that the things God has shown me about myself and about his goodness will stick with me whenever the next valley shows its face.
