One Month Home

It’s the weirdest thing.  I’m sitting here on my couch, dinner (taco soup from my freezer meal stash) warming up on the stove and beside me is a little girl child, head on my shoulder.  She’s alternating between watching me type and watching the Little Baby Bum music videos on Netflix. Y’all. Bow in her hair. Grins at me every time I turn my head to look at her.  Right beside me. We have a daughter!

She is so smart and funny.  Also adorable. When she rolls around and is silly her hair gets staticy and stands on end.  She loves to play with this Melissa & Doug ice cream set. She loves peek-a-boo and chase with Matthew and playing outside.  She tries to fit inside the Little People princess castle but mommy and daddy say she is too big! Peanut butter bread, oatmeal, and bananas are her favorite.  She sleeps well at night, although she prefers mommy to sit in her room till she falls asleep. She recently learned that if she cries at night, mommy will come and snuggle (this is a really good thing in the adoption world).  After a few weeks she is still nervous around the dog, but finally started to pet him a few days ago!!!

Matthew is an amazing big brother--as we knew he would be.  He did tell me one night that adopting a sister has been harder than he thought it would be, but also just as awesome as he thought it would be. He is so sweet and patient with her.  It’s certainly been an adjustment going from only child for 7.5 years to big brother status...but we are trying to find ways to spend special time with him, one-on-one, whenever possible.

We took Eliana to the VCU International Adoption Clinic last week.  It was a good visit….but to say she doesn’t like other people touching her is an understatement.  Yikes. The doctor had good things to say and her suggestions moving forward were just what we expected---no surprises so far!  She will visit with the cranio-facial surgeon in December to begin the process of evaluating and repairing the cleft palate.

Language has been challenging for Eliana because of the cleft.  She isn’t able to make any sounds that involve the roof of her mouth.  She understands most of what we say and will obey tasks asked of her (take this to the trash, pick that up, come here, sit down, etc.) but is not really able to speak in return.  Of course, she wouldn’t normally have very many words at this point because she’s not yet 2 years old. She’s also on her third language (Georgian in the orphanage, Armenian with the foster family, and now English) so I’m sure that affects language development, too.  To compensate, we are working on some sign language so she has a way to communicate back with us. She has been very expressive with her hands since we met her, so we’re trying to use more signs that can help her when she needs or wants something.

This month has been full of so many wins and so many reinforcements that she is adjusting well!  It hasn’t been a cake walk everyday, of course. This past weekend was probably the hardest, with Kyle out of town for a youth retreat, me struggling through a nasty cold, Eliana sick as well, and then Kyle coming home early from the retreat with a stomach virus!  Fortunately Kyle’s parents were in town and took Matthew over to my sis-in-law's house for most of the weekend!! The support from so many in our community has truly carried us through the last month. Meals delivered, a freezer stuffed with meals to thaw and cook, family and friends who helped with bedtime routines when Kyle had to travel, people doing yard work and sending gift cards for future meals, people picking up Matthew for church or birthday parties….I could go on and on.  All of this has allowed us to focus on helping Eliana adjust to our family, home, and routines.

Looking ahead, we are hoping to try out church soon!  Watching the service streaming on You-Tube just isn’t the same.  I miss my church family! We’re trying to introduce new experiences slowly to test her reactions.  Today we tried Target for the first time and picked up some Christmas ornaments that can be the beginning of Eliana’s ornament stash (she was amazed and even started clapping at one point as we were walking through the Christmas section).  I can’t wait to see her reaction when we put up the Christmas tree later this week!!

It is so incredible to wake up each day and look into the face of an answered prayer.  To see her eyes and hear her laugh. To hold her when she is tired or just needs a snuggle.  God has been so faithful. And how many times did y’all remind us that the timing would all make sense when we finally had her home??  Here she is, and we wouldn’t have changed a single day.

One Week Home

I could also call this one, When Will Becca Learn to Stop Making Plans?!?

We have been home with our precious girl for a whole week.   She is so wonderful. Matthew agrees. He says she is cute AND funny!  She has brought us so much joy and we are doing our best to bring her the same.  She is not able to speak much, although she seems to understand our questions and simple instructions.  We think her palate is limiting the sounds she makes….so her vocabulary currently consists of “Mama” (that’s me AND Kyle), “Maa” (That would be big brother Matthew), “Mo” for more, and “Mah” pretty much covers everything else.  Her favorite games include “peek a boo” and running round and round with Matthew. When she misses Matthew during the school day, she sits in the dining room and looks at the family photos on the wall. It’s precious. I can’t wait to get some that include Eliana!

This week has gone exactly nothing like I expected.  Due to some difficult circumstances in our church, we agreed that Kyle needed to return to work right away.  Matthew returned to school on Tuesday, so I’ve spent quite a bit of time alone with my girly. I’ve been so thankful for my sis-in-law who has been willing to drop everything and come help me at a moment’s notice!

In spite of the drastic changes to our “cocoon” this week, Eliana is adjusting so so well.  She is eating and sleeping very well. She plays alone and with us. She laughs often. She comes to us when she is scared or worried or sad or hungry or tired.  Even our social worker commented on how amazing Eliana’s adjustment seems to be after such a short time. We are so thankful for God’s provision in this area. It is so clear that he has been preparing her heart for this time.

Moving forward I don’t plan to post much here.  The goal of the blog was always to keep people up to date on our journey to “brother/sister.”  I’ll let you know how things are going after a month and when she has surgery, and maybe a year home?  And for those of you who attend church with us--you’ll probably see us sooner than expected. With everything going on, I am looking forward to being with our church family as soon as is healthy for Eliana.  For those who saw us Wednesday, thank you for kind words and also for your distance! We will continue to keep Eliana close for a while and ask everyone to give her space, even if we are in church. It turns out she is a ham in front of an audience but very nervous in more personal, one on one interactions with new people.  We want to ease her into the number of people who love her!!

We’ll never be able to thank all of you enough for the prayers and support through the years of this journey.  It has left us forever changed.

When We Come Home

Before I get to the rest of this post, a quick update!

We got our girl and physically became a family of 4 on Thursday, October 11, 2018.  I will never forget those moments as we said goodbye to Eliana's foster family.  As we drove away, even Kyle and I cried over the heartache of the transition.  Eliana did not cry right away because it was her nap time!  She went right to sleep in my arms.  Later, as we drove 3 hours to Tbilisi, she alternated between waking and sleeping.  When she woke she was clearly confused and cried a bit--even threw up on me at one point.  However, when we arrived in Tbilisi and over the past few days she has adjusted to us miraculously well.  She has such a playful and active disposition!  She loves to eat and is sleeping well, thank goodness!

We have completed all of the necessary paperwork within our control at this point.  Court decree, birth certificate, adoption certificate, passport, medical.  Now we are waiting for the US Embassy in Tbilisi to issue our Visa interview appointment.  That will determine how much longer we are here.  It could be that they want us within the next few days and we will be home in a week!!  OR it could be a couple of weeks until they are able to see us.  We will keep you posted!!!

DISCLAIMER:  This rest of this is a very long post.  It is especially meant for our family and friends as well as the people who live nearby and are accustomed to seeing us on a regular basis.  If you fall into one of those categories, please take the time to read this and understand.

When we come home...life will be different for a while.

You know, when Matthew was born, there was a revolving door at the hospital.  I remember it all so well.  Our good friends the Capecis arrived with Chick-fil-a and held our tiny human so we could eat.  2 of Kyle's sisters arrived and held him so I could shower.  Mom, Dad, and my niece arrived the next day.  Several of the pastors that work with Kyle came to visit.  Other friends...the Morrows, the Nances, the Edivans, the Andersons...and that was all before we left the hospital!  When we arrived home so many friends and families from church and MSM brought food and checked on us.  Unless I was feeding Matthew, they all got to give him a quick snuggle.  When Matthew was not quite 2 weeks old Kyle's parents came to visit.  My brother came.  Uncle Matt Matt came.  When he was 6 weeks old I took him on an airplane to Alabama where he met even more family and people who loved him.  I'm a big supporter of church nursery, so when Matthew was only 2 months old, he started spending Sunday mornings in the church nursery while I visited once an hour to feed and check on him.

Matthew's life has not been perfect--no fairy dust around here.  In his little life he has experienced many hard things--the hardest probably being the miscarriage I had when he was five.  He still brings it up, almost two years later.  Still wishes for that baby, still asks why God would make a baby only to take it away.  But in spite of experiencing loss, Matthew has had a very solid foundation in life as a part of a family.  He has known from birth that these two people, Mom and Dad, would care for him.  If he cried from hunger, cried from being uncomfortable, cried from loneliness--he knew we would come.  He knew this because we showed him.  Over and over and over and over and over and over again.  And that was just day one.  On day two we showed him again and again that he could count on us.  And year after year we have confirmed what he knows--Mom and Dad are there for me, they meet my needs.  They fight for me, they keep me safe.  They love me.

For a child who spends time in an orphanage, life is viewed through a different lens.  I am not going to use this blog to air Eliana's life story--because that is her story to tell.  But I will give you two highlights that I hope will help you understand the decisions we will make when we come home.  First--Eliana went home to the orphanage from the hospital when she was three and a half weeks old, and Second--Eliana went to live with a foster family when she was 14 months old...and has been there since then.  Now, of course we've barely begun to know our daughter and we do not know every detail of her day to day life like we do with Matthew.  So these thoughts I'm sharing here are based on research done by professionals, shared with us through social workers, the books we have read, and adoption classes we have attended over the years.

***Side note: When you've been trying to adopt for 6 years, you get to take part in A LOT of training courses.....Now we get to put what we've learned into practice...

When you start your life in an orphanage, you learn a few things.  First, that the big people change your diapers and clothing and feed you.  You are one of many, many kids, so you don't get much direct interaction--at least not compared with a child who went from the hospital directly into the arms of one or two parents.  Eye contact happens less often, fewer snuggles, needs are not met right away.  Meal time as an infant is not a time of sweet snuggles and eye contact.  It is a test of how many bottles one person can hold at a time.  Bath time is not a time of eye contact and babbling.  It is a measure of how quickly and thoroughly a slippery baby can be washed so the next one can take a turn.

Please hear me on this---I have no condemnation for workers in orphanages around the world.  I remember how hard it is to take care of one baby.  I can't imagine having a building full of 50 or more kids aged 0-6 needing round the clock care.  I believe that the vast majority of these people are doing the very best that they can to care for these children.

But adoption comes from loss, and by the age of 1, Eliana had experienced more loss than most of us have at this point in our adult lives.  She lost her mom, her dad, and the opportunities that she would have had every single day to thrive in a loving home, if only this world weren't broken.  By the time Eliana went into foster care, she had no concept of "family" and no idea what having a mom or dad meant.

Kids who begin life in these circumstances often learn to cope in one of two ways.  Some learn that their needs won't be met with tears, and so they don't.  Ever.  They don't cry when they are hungry, or wet, or scared, or lonely.  I know, some of you are thinking--super!  Wish my kid would learn not to cry all the time.  Please don't mistake this for a good thing.  If your child is sitting in a very yucky messy diaper, as much as you may not want to deal with it---you DO want them to let you know that they are needing some assistance.  When your baby is hungry, you want them to be able to cry or ask for food--whichever is age appropriate.  If your child is scared about something that happened at school or church or with a babysitter, you want them to talk to you about that!  A child who has learned that no one is going to meet their needs is in a devastating situation.

On the other hand, some kids learn that if they are super cute and affectionate, their needs are met faster or with more frequency.  If I'm hungry or thirsty, I can go to that adult and give a smile and a hug and they will offer me a treat.  These kids, when adopted, tend to "love" everyone they see.  They give hugs to random strangers and acquaintances and family with abandon.  At a glance these kids seem to be so extroverted and cheerful...but this, too, is terrifying to consider.  Imagine for a moment your toddler.  Imagine going to a public place and your child is willing to run up to and hug any stranger.  Imagine your toddler not understanding that YOU are mom or dad.  Imagine that your toddler sees any adult as a means to obtaining what they need, and all they have to do is smile.

Makes you feel a little sick, right?

When she was just over a year old, Eliana went to live with a foster family in a small town in the middle of the mountains.  The family consists of a mother, father, two teenage daughters, and a grandmother.  Over the last 6 months, Eliana has been learning the idea of family.  Rather than the kids vastly outnumbering the adults, she is one young child to the 5 grown or nearly grown family members.  With her foster family, Eliana was happy and well cared for and these are good signs of Eliana's ability to grasp belonging to a family.  But of course...our arrival disrupted that.

We know that our disruption of Eliana's life in the country will benefit her in the long run.  We will be her family forever, while the foster family was always meant to be temporary.  But after spending about a third of her life with them, it will be yet another major loss in Eliana's life.

SO.  Here we are.  A family of four, hoping to be on our way home in a week, maybe a little more.  With alllll of this information in mind, and remembering that we are still getting to know our little girl--here are some things we are planning to do/not do when we come home:

1. Make our World very, very Small.  For Eliana, every single thing in her world is changing.  Home, family, language, name.  All of it.  When we walk through the front doors of our home, it might be a while before Eliana goes back out (Correction--she will have to go to a lot of doctor appointments...other than that we will stay home).  The vast amount of change she will be going through will need time to settle.  Research supports adoptive families staying close to home for a while so that the adopted kiddo can focus on learning the family and attaching to each member while the adoptive family works on learning the same.  In the adoption world, this is often called "cocooning."  During this time, we will be very intentional to not over-stimulate Eliana.  We will play with simple toys, keep the tv to a minimum, read books and cuddle.  We will meet her needs as quickly as they arise so she can begin to learn the meaning of Mom and Dad.  We will play outside and inside and walk to the bus stop and maybe the neighborhood playground.  But that is as far as we will go.  Matthew will still go to school and Kyle will go to work as well as work from home whenever possible so he can be a consistent presence and participate in bonding, as well.

How long?!  We can't know for sure.  Experts recommend one month for every year of her life before placement.  That would be about 2 months in Eliana's case.  But we are not going to put a timeline on this.  We are going to spend our time getting to know our daughter's cues so that in the future when we venture out we know if/when she is overwhelmed.

2. Accept Help.  This is sometimes hard for me, but I am already coaching myself that when we get home I'll need to be super focused on Eliana's needs, as well as tuned in to Matthew and how he is adjusting to not being an only child anymore!  I'll need to be intentional in supporting my husband as he parents along with me in all of this as well as supporting our family with his job!  Cooking healthy meals might become challenging for a bit.  Running errands will be hard to do when we aren't actually leaving the house!  I will need help.  I know our community pretty well at this point and I expect that many people will want to bring a meal or pick up groceries.  Yes, please!!!  I do want you to know that we probably won't invite you in.  When you came to meet Matthew, we passed him right over to you.  That won't be the case with Eliana.  You won't be holding her for a long while--remember, we need to teach her that Mom and Dad are the ones who meet her needs--including cuddles.  You might get to see her when you stop by, and if you do--please wave and say hi!  She is very social and loves people, although she is sometimes shy at first.  If Matthew comes to the door PLEASE talk to him and give him some attention!  He is going to have his world rocked when he learns what it means to be a big brother.

3. Go To Church.  Now don't ask me when, but some Sunday morning I'll wake up and feel like it is the right time to go.  Matthew and Kyle will have been there for a while.  At first I'll only come in during the 10:15 hour to be with my group of 7th grade girls.  Kyle will hold Eliana and hide in the Underground (where our middle school ministry meets) and he won't let anyone touch her.  You might see Kyle hand Eliana off to her Aunt Kayla or Uncle Steven for a moment or two.  But Kyle, Aunt Kayla, and Uncle Steven will all be VERY protective of Eliana.  Please don't try to give her anything or touch or hold her.  Remember--even after we venture out of the house, research supports that Mom and Dad be the only ones meeting ALL of Eliana's needs for a loooong while.  This will reinforce to her little brain the true meaning of Mom and Dad.

Then a day will come when you'll see us sneak into the sanctuary at church.  We'll probably sneak in through the side door and go to our usual seats.  Eliana will be with us during the service for a long time rather than going to children's ministry (again, the need-meeting thing).  Will she like the music or be overwhelmed?  Will she sit quietly or be noisy?  I have no idea.  And how she reacts to those things will affect how we proceed.  Maybe she will sit quietly and play and we will be able to sit through the service...maybe we'll have to sit in the back to sneak in and out...If you see us, please feel free to wave or stop by for a quick hello!  But if we cut the conversation short and leave suddenly--trust us that we aren't blowing you off!  We likely saw something in Eliana or Matthew that made us realize we needed to get back to home base.

4. Introduce new people slowly.  For the people who are consistently part of our world, we will be introducing you into Eliana's life slowly, gradually, over time--and we will use Eliana's personality and reactions to new situations and people to guide us.  Using our typical schedule as a family, we will broaden her little world bit by bit.  We will likely introduce our bus stop friends first...cause guess what--we see them twice a day every day!  From there we hope to bring our local family into the cocoon a bit because they will be a consistent part of her life from now on.  Over time we hope to invite friends over to meet Eliana--again, as she seems ready.  Research overwhelmingly supports keeping life simple and small during the adjustment period.  "Hotel Kelley" won't be open for a while...so if out of town friends and family come to visit they won't be able to stay with us while Eliana adjusts to the idea of her immediate family.  Having other visitors come to stay for a week and then go can contribute to the anxiety that comes with beginning life in a setting where caretakers come and go frequently.   She needs to see Mommy, Daddy, and Matthew are consistent in her life.

And finally.....Here are some things you can do when we come home to help with this process:

1. Check on us.  We aren't great at asking for help or reaching out when things are hard.  Send a text or make a phone call and ask how it is going.

2. Offer help.  This could be with meals or errands.  If your kids are friends with Matthew it could be inviting him over and offering to transport him places.  Maybe you have the spiritual gift of ice cream and you want to bring us a treat! ;)

3. Hang Out with Us! We may not be able to have everyone over at once or go out to dinner with you while Eliana is adjusting, but there are other ways to socialize!  Invite Kyle for an after bedtime board game night or invite me out for a girls night!  We are bound to get a little stir crazy while "cocooning."  Being able to see our friends will make us healthier for each other and our kids.

4. Acknowledge Matthew! I've seen this happen in the past--A new sibling is adopted or born into the family and the other kids are suddenly overlooked.  If you see us out and about, would you please be sure to say hello to Matthew, too?  He might be shy if he doesn't know you well--but it is so important that he not feel ignored when Eliana joins the family.  We want to do our best to foster good relationship and bonding between Matthew and Eliana, and you guys can help by making sure he isn't left out when you say hello to our family.

5. Give Eliana Space.  Whether she seems to want space or not, please, please give her space.  If she comes to you wanting to be picked up or wanting another need met--point her to us, call us over.  Please ask before giving her a hug or kiss, and don't be offended if we say no.  Help us teach her that we are Mom and Dad and that WE are the ones she can count on 100% of the time.  Beyond that, please don't reach out to touch her hands or cheek.  Eliana may not have had the same level of vaccination most children have had at her age.  We will work with the International Adoption Clinic to get her caught up, but until then she will be vulnerable to many sicknesses and we'd like to keep her healthy!

6. Pray for us.  As our social worker pointed out to us in August--after six years in the adoption process, we are actually more at risk to feel a bit depressed after returning home.  We have been in this process so very long and we have looked forward to God bringing this child into our family!  And finally it is happening!!  We know that adding another child to our family might be challenging and that this is not a "happily ever after" sort of world--but going through the reality might be a shock to our systems.  Obviously we are hoping that we won't struggle---but as the news headlines repeatedly remind us--depression is a real thing that cannot be controlled by wishful thinking.  Please pray for physical, mental, and emotional strength and stamina in the coming days, weeks, and months!

Well.  If you've read this far, you deserve a medal or something.  Thank you for the millionth time for all your love and support!!  We truly appreciate all of you!!

Eliana Faith Zeinab Kelley

Eliana Faith Zeinab Kelley

She is ours. It’s for real and official!  This day has been so full and so good and so many emotions!!

None of us slept well last night.  We were all up in the night and all woke up a little cranky and out of it.  Our fabulous hostess here at the guest house prepared breakfast for us.

Side note:  She is not officially opened for business yet, but we came so last minute that the hotels were booked in Akhaltsikhe.  So our hostess agreed to let us stay here!  She is wonderful!

After breakfast we decided to rest a bit before court.  At 2:30 we gathered downstairs and hopped in the car for the short ride to the courthouse.  I was so nervous, Kyle tells me I squeezed his hand much harder than I did when in labor with Matthew!! We arrived in the courthouse and had to wait a few minutes for our case to begin.  Then, into courtroom number three.  We had to leave Matthew in the waiting room where he was the only one who spoke English...with the exception of a police officer who knew a bit. 

Court was...nerve wracking and emotional.  It is difficult to sit still while a group of people discuss your future and that of the child you hope to call yours in a language you don’t understand!  Our interpreter filled us in on what was happening and we had to respond to a few questions.  Whew.

Then the judge took some time to review everything while we sat and talked quietly (all the while I’m watching the clock and thinking about how my first baby is sitting alone in the lobby in a foreign country and when is the last time he went potty and what if he needs to go?!?!).

Guys.  When the amazing moment happened we didn’t even know!!  And then our interpreter and liaison leaned over and told us, “It is done!  She is yours!”

.................

How do you process that?!?!  Just like that, Kelley-party of four!!

From there we grabbed a bite to eat. Ohhhhh the food here is soooooo gooooood!!!!! So good! Sooooooooooo goooooooooood!!!!  Then came the call that the adoption decree was ready (less than an hour)!  Our liaison picked it up and met us as the Justice building where we applied for the birth certificate.

Next we went to our daughter’s foster family’s home.  I cannot find words that describe how wonderful these people are, but I will try.  They have gone out of their way to welcome us into their home.  They did their best to make their little Zeinab feel comfortable with us and they were the first ones to call her Eliana tonight.  They showed us her favorite things to play and talked us through her routine.  I cannot say enough how thankful I am for these people!!  I will treasure these days with them for the rest of my life!

As we were leaving, Eliana seemed disappointed to see us go!  This was a big step!! Because we leave tomorrow for Tbilisi, we decided to give Eliana one more night with her foster family.  This way she won’t transition to the guest house and then transition again right away to the apartment in Tbilisi.

So.  Tomorrow is gotcha day!  Tomorrow we will pick up the birth certificate and our daughter and leave Akhaltsikhe.  Tomorrow we will physically become a family of four.  

God is so good.  He is so so so so good.  

More updates to come!!  We will still likely be here a couple of weeks while we wait for the passport and apply for a visa.  Thank you for your prayers!!! Please don’t stop!

The Longest Day Ever

Whew.  It feels like we have been living one loooooong day since Wednesday.  Here’s a recap:

Wednesday, 11am: Becca wakes up from a mid morning nap, feeling so sorry for herself because it’s October and noooo court date

Wednesday, 1pm: Becca participates in Target shopping therapy, purchasing Fall clothes for Matthew and Eliana

Wednesday, 6:30pm: Becca’s phone rings, she looks at the number, and walks immediately out of the conversation she is a part of.  Within 5 minutes you can see a happy dance and Becca dragging Kyle aside at which point he checks his calendar and has a startled expression.

Wednesday, 6:45pm: Becca can be seen nearly running with a crazy looking wide eyed smile, bursting into Matthew’s church class, speaking incoherently, taking Matthew and leaving.  Matthew can also be seen, borderline hyperventilating from excitement.

Wednesday, 7:30pm-12:00am:  Becca can be seen continuing to express herself in half formed sentences, unable to make decisions, and relying on friends and packing lists to get it done.  Tickets are purchased, Kyle preaches to the middle schoolers and comes home to calmly eat and watch hockey...

Thursday, 12:00am-6:00am:  Kyle sleeps a few hours, Matthew gets a full night, Becca gets about zero hours of sleep.

Thursday, 6am-4:30pm: completion of allllll the lists, sis in law cleaning, folding laundry, providing sanity for sleep deprived, crazy Becca.

Thursday, 4:30-10:30pm:  pick up van from the shop, supper, airport drop off, Becca almost lost Kyle’s iPad and laptop at security, boarding plane

Thursday 10:30pm-6:30am(eastern standard time) flight to Munich; Kyle and Becca got maybe 3 hours sleep, Matthew got five.

Friday 6:30am-4:20pm (est.) longest layover, brief 45 min naps for Kyle and Becca 

Friday 4:20-8:00pm (est.): flight to Tbilisi; Matthew got a few hours of sleep, Becca and Kyle—not so much.

Friday, 8:30pm-12:00am (est): drove to Akhaltsikhe, this is 4:30am-8:00am local time, Saturday 

Saturday, 12:00-4:00am (est)/ 8-12 local: check in to guest house, unpack, breakfast, showers

Saturday, 4:00-6:00am/12-2 local: we met our daughter.

Let’s just camp out here in these two hours.  Our driver was having a hard time figuring out which house we were to go to.  But then, there they were, standing in the street and waving to us.  Eliana in her foster momma’s arms, hair in a ponytail up top.  She was shy at first, but Matthew quickly broke through her reserve.  For me...I expected to feel like it wasn’t real or maybe nervous or crazy excited.  Instead it just felt...normal.  Like, of course I’m here in the home of strangers, sitting on their floor playing with a little girl who will be our daughter.  Where else would I be today?  It just felt perfectly right.  Kyle’s biggest feelings were centered on how close Eliana is with her foster family and how heartbreaking the upcoming separation will be for every one.  Matthew thinks Eliana is the cutest and says he felt like “is this really happening?”

Guys, she is precious.  Funny, opinionated, smart, focused.  Sarah—she loves the backpack.  She spent soooo much time putting books in and taking them out.  I got to participate in her nap time routine with foster mom, which was so so so good.  Eliana and Matthew spent several minutes playing a hugging game where he would open his arms and she would launch herself in for a hug and then they would collapse in giggles.  She was most shy of Kyle for a little while, but by the end of our two hours she let each of us hold her briefly.

We had brief naps in the afternoon, woke up for snacks/supper, and are now preparing to sleep through the night while you guys go about your day.  Tomorrow (Sunday) we will go at the same time (12-2 local) to spend more time with Eliana.  Court is Tuesday at 3:30.  After that we will continue to visit while we wait for paperwork before taking custody and returning to Tbilisi.

Please keep the prayers coming!  There have been several other things going on behind the scenes in our personal lives back home that weigh on our hearts.  We are hoping to have WiFi connected soon so we can communicate with family more easily. In the meantime, we are thankful for technology and data to help us give brief updates!!

TIME TO GOOOOOO

Y'ALL.

We got the court date!!  I walked out in the middle of a conversation at church this evening when my phone started to ring.

The adoption agency!

And then the bombshell--OCTOBER 9th!

In case you aren't sure--today is October 3rd.  No...well, it's after midnight now so I guess it's the 4th.  That's NOT a lot of time!

Raise your hand if you saw my running around alllll crazy like at church tonight?  I had to grab Matthew from his class (yes--he is OVER THE MOON with excitement)!!

So.  We are headed out tomorrow (Thursday) evening!  We should be meeting our child THIS WEEKEND!

I can't even.

My best friend and sister-friend (AKA sis-in-law) came over and helped us pack.  They were very bossy, which was helpful because MY BRAIN DOESN'T WORK NOW!  I was at least thankful for my super packing lists! 

Rex is gone to be with family and we have like 4 different families babysitting our house. 

You GUYS.  Our little girl!  We're going to go MEET HER!

And bring her HOME! 

Will you pray that we sleep?  Cause right now I'm afraid I won't sleep until after court on TUESDAY!

Short Update

Just wanted to give everyone a quick update!

At this point we are just waiting for our court date.  Last week we heard that we passed our Interpol check (SHOCKER!!!).  This week we got confirmation that the ministry in Georgia has signed off on our case and it is now being transferred to the court system.  We also learned that rather than our court case taking place in Tbilisi, we will travel to the regional court where Eliana’s foster family lives.  I’m excited about this because it means we will be staying closer to her foster family. Instead of traveling over 100 miles every time we go see her before taking custody, we’ll be close by!

The always question--WHEN?  We wish we knew. The call could come in the next couple of weeks...or it could be a month or longer.  In the meantime...the lists are basically done! Which is both wonderful and also making me crazy. The nursery is done with the exception of minor details.  It’s really weird to have girl stuff in the house after 7 years of only boy stuff! The extra bedroom has become the packing staging area where everything is being set aside to make packing quick and easy when the time comes.  I’ve met with Matthew’s teacher to discuss his upcoming absence. Generous friends have given lots of girl clothes to fill the closet and dresser with 18-24 month clothing. We are sending a photo book and little stuffed elephant around the world for the foster family to use to prepare Eliana for our arrival. The more things we cross off the list, the more anxious I am to GOOO.

Patience. Will that lesson ever be learned???

The in-country liaison that works with our adoption agency will be delivering our documents to the regional court and the photo book and little stuffed animal to the foster family in the next week or so. We'll get the call sometime after that!

Stay tuned! It shouldn't be long!

Lists

At one point I had a list of the lists I needed to make.

I might be a little crazy.

Now I have the lists.  

There is the “stuff to do before the home inspection” list.  

The “stuff to do when we get the call” list.  

The “things Rex will need while we are gone” list (Hint: He is the dog).

The “things to figure out” list.

The “things we need to buy now that there will be a girl child in the house” list.

The “things I want to tell the world on the blog” list.

AND of course the PACKING LIST.

My head is in the clouds.  I had to take a couple of days off from all the lists because I started to have a meltdown because of all the lists and who knows when the lists have to be done???  You get the picture? It wasn’t pretty. I prefer to have my act together, so when I fall apart it is epic. Poor Kyle…

ANYWAY the lists are ever growing but I’m feeling better about it today.

This morning I woke up and she was right there at the front of my mind as if she had come into my room and tapped me on the arm.  Eliana. Sweet girl, we are coming!

It’s hard not to dream of when we first see her, of when she becomes ours.  But in truth, we can’t predict or choose how those moments will go. Think of any typical 18 month old.  This one spent more than a year of her life in an orphanage. Then, for 4 months, she has had a wonderful family experience in a foster home.  Now this random family speaking a gibberish she’s never heard will show up to play with her...twice. Then she will go to a big city and go stay with them in an apartment.  And they will speak to her but she won’t understand the words. Not because she is young...anyone who has interacted with a 1-2 year old child knows they understand much more than they can speak.  She can’t understand the strange people because they keep speaking the gibberish.

These people don’t know what she likes to play.  Or eat. Or her favorite way to snuggle or sleep.  Her clothes are different. Everything smells different.  She’s never seen these things before. They keep taking her to places she’s never been.  Then...just as she is getting used to the new things...They go to a busy place with so many more people than she has ever seen and then into a small room full of seats and then something strange happens as the room moves and they are in the sky--but she doesn’t know how to understand this and the words the people speak to her don’t make sense.

And they are stuck in the room so long.

And then they are in another car and then a house and the people keep saying “home” but she doesn’t know that word yet.

Guys, I’m not painting this picture to ask for your sympathy or reassurance.  I am saying this because I like to be real here and the truth is---adoption is not easy.  It is not pretty. And for a toddler it is confusing and sometimes scary. When a baby is adopted she is a tiny little thing who may not know her loss until much later.  When an older child is adopted, she can understand what is happening because someone has explained it. Eliana might transition beautifully and attach to us quickly and that would be a blessing.  But even if she transitions well and attaches quickly--adoption begins with loss. We are so excited and cannot wait and believe this is the path God has for us. But little Eliana doesn’t even know we are coming.

Sometime soon I’m going to write up a post explaining what we anticipate the first days, weeks, and months home as a family of four to look like.  Understanding what adoption will be like in these first days and weeks from Eliana’s perspective will hopefully make sense of some of the decisions we will make to help her transition peacefully into our family.

Please continue to pray for each of us!  Our case is now with the US Embassy in Tbilisi, Georgia as they write the Article 5 letter, indicating that we are approved to pursue adopting this little girl.  When they finish, we wait for the Interpol check and a signature. After these items are completed our case will go to a judge for review and a court date will be assigned.  We are ssoooooo close!

Immigration Approval--CHECK!

You GUYS.

We received the immigration approval today!!!  This is happening super fast.  Whoo!! 

So now our case is headed to the National Visa Center--I think to alert them that she will need a travel visa to the US soon.  Our agency will be filling out an application for us.  Then these two things will go to Georgia where they will run an Interpol check--seriously, if you don't trust us with your kids by now, surely this will clear our names 😜...and then our case goes on to the court system!

We still have no idea when we will travel...but it seems to be coming up faster than we expected.  I've been working my way through the house room by room organizing, rearranging, and prepping for a home study inspection (three weeks from today).  Once everything is in order, I'll start on Eliana's room--EEEK!!!   I'm going to have a conversation with Matthew's principal tomorrow about what it will look like for him to miss a few weeks of school...cause we hope to bring him with us!

I just can't believe how things are moving along!

There are just no words to describe God's goodness.  Soon we will meet.  How many times have I reminded myself that all her days were written before one began...that God knows the day we will meet.  And that day is coming! 

I don't feel like I can even form coherent thoughts right now.  Too much happy.

Pray for our little one!  She is so precious, you guys.  The exciting days ahead for us will be difficult for her for a bit, so please cover her little heart in prayer!  Continue praying for her foster family as they care for her.  And pray for us!!! 

I'm gonna try to sleep now!  Wish me luck... 😉

Speechless

You GUYS!!!

I can't even wrap my head around this.  I posted the last update less than 24 hours ago and already the goal for the matching grant has been met!  I am in shock and tears over here, trying to comprehend your generosity!  

I can't even find words.

Thank you!!

I've already heard from several people who want to contribute but have not had an opportunity.

If you would still like to give toward travel expenses for bringing Eliana home and helping with the expenses that will come along with her surgeries, we have a PayPal link on the righthand side of the blog (when viewed from a computer).  Or you can click here to access our donation link.  Donations made to the PayPal account will not be part of the matching grant and will not be tax deductible.  If you would prefer to send us a personal check, send me a message through Facebook and I will give you our address.

This photo is a screen shot from my favorite video of Eliana Faith.  She smiles and chatters and blows kisses as she plays with some little stuffed animals.

Eliana has a cleft palate which will require surgery pretty soon after we get home, and likely in coming years as she grows (I'm guessing some of you will ask--the cleft is only the palate, not the lip--that's why it can't be seen in the pictures).  After we get home we will visit an international adoption clinic where the doctors are familiar with needs of children who have been adopted from another country.  There she will be evaluated to find out if she has any other needs that will require medical or therapeutic intervention.  

Truly, I am stunned by your generosity.  We are so so blessed to have such a community of people both near and far supporting us and loving a sweet girl on the other side of the world.

Fundraiser/Matching Grant Update

**UPDATE: You GUYS! In less than 24 hours you have met the fundraising goal! 😭😭😭I'll be posting an updated post in a few minutes with other ways to give if you still feel led to donate!

Hi wonderful people!

I am just loving summertime!  It could be because I have resigned my teaching job and I’m not spending my days making plans for next year…

It could be because of vacations and having more time to see friends and family…

Or it COULD be because I’m looking at this picture all day, every day…

Sorry, I can’t show you the whole picture, yet!

In the meantime, we’ve mailed off our immigration request and are waiting for the approval.  Also--after encouragement from many of you to open ourselves up to the opportunity for others to join in on our journey once again--we filled out paperwork for the grant and have officially been offered a $4,000 grant!!!  That’s about $4,000 more than we expected.

The organization that is providing the grant is called Brittany’s Hope Foundation (www.BrittanysHope.org).   Brittany’s Hope Foundation helps unite families and children through the gift of matching grants through their Seedling Gift Program.  Brittany’s Hope Foundation has a mission for helping children with special needs both abroad and being placed for international adoption. They are able to accomplish these goals through corporate donations, the public’s generosity and their Seedling Gift Program.

The way the grant works is this:

We have to raise $2,000 to be donated directly to Brittany’s Hope.  Once $2,000 has been raised in our names, Brittany’s Hope will send $4,000 to our adoption agency to be used toward our adoption fees and travel expenses.  It will also enable us to save some of our adoption funds to use for surgeries Eliana will need after we bring her home.

It’s that simple!  

So many of you have already called, texted, and asked us in person how you can help.  Well, here it is! By donating to this fundraiser, you will be helping Brittany's Hope as they work tirelessly to bring awareness to these precious children who wait and wait and wait.

Every dollar donated by you will be matched through the Seedling Gift Program, making your gift multiply and grow, bringing more children the gift of a “Forever Family”---including our Eliana Faith.

Ways to give:

*Online: Follow this link to donate online:  https://www.brittanyshope.org/seedling/kelley/

*By check made payable to Brittany’s Hope.  You can either give these to us in person and we will mail checks or you can send your check directly to Brittany’s Hope: Brittany's Hope Foundation, 1160 North Market Street, Elizabethtown, PA 17022.

***After making a donation, you will receive a thank you note from Brittany’s Hope to use for tax purposes***

With our travel dates being so up in the air, we’d like to have our “ducks in a row” as soon as possible so that we can be ready to go at the drop of a hat.  Because of the uncertain timeline, we’d like to finish up the fundraiser over the next month. If you would like to help us bring Eliana home, please make your donation sometime before August 12!  I will update you guys every week or so on the fundraiser total so you can see our progress!

I can’t tell you how much your support over the years has meant to us.  So many of you have already given so much toward this long and twisty adoption journey--both financially and through emotional support and prayers.  There have been days when we were too tired to continue and yet God sent us encouragement in the form of YOU asking, praying, giving. It is humbling to look back on these six years and know that we could not possibly have made it to this point without the support system we have both near and far.  There truly are not words to express our gratitude. I’ll have to stick with--Thank you.

Frequently Asked Questions--What's Next?

Words cannot describe the surge of joy that hits when I hear a ding on my phone--see that it is an email from the adoption agency--and notice the subject is “videos.”  To see her smile, to hear her babble, to watch her blow a kiss...I don’t know her foster family, but I love them! It is so obvious that they take good care of the one we will call Eliana.  

It’s been a busy couple of weeks around here.  Between swim team practice and meets, a trip to the beach, and family visiting, we’ve been filling out paperwork to move forward with adopting this precious little girl.  We’ve gotten lots of the same questions from people about what things look like moving forward, so I thought I’d try to answer them here.

1. Whats next?

When you receive a referral to be matched with a child, the first thing you do is sign paperwork saying you accept the referral.  When adopting from Georgia, you do not make a trip to meet the child until court. In the meantime, you file what is called an i800--Petition to Classify Convention Child as Immediate Relative.  This form will get us approval from US Immigration to bring Eliana home with us. After receiving that approval we will fill out visa applications. These two steps must be completed before we can receive a court date.  After these two steps are completed and sent to Georgia, they will run an Interpol check on us and then send our dossier and approvals to the court system.

2. When will you travel?

Not a clue.

The adoption agency estimates that we will travel 4-6 months after the referral...which would be sometime around October-December.  They’ve warned us that when travel time comes we may not have much advance notice. Apparently the judges are known to say “Hey, I have an opening next week” and then the family has to hop on a plane.

3. How long will you be there?

We are supposed to arrive 3-7 days before our court date.  After court we will have paperwork to chase (surprising, I know).  We will have to wait for a new birth certificate, adoption decree, visit the US Embassy for a medical appointment and apply for her visa, and get a Georgian passport for Eliana.  All of this will take a few weeks. We will most likely be in Georgia for around a month.

4. Is Matthew excited?

Oh my goooooodnesss you guys.  It’s adorable. He carried around a picture of her the last few days of school and showed it to everyone, “This is going to be my baby sister, Eliana.”  He took it to church and even asked me if we should show it to the Chick-Fil-A drive in workers, haha! My favorite line so far was driving to VBS one morning last week, Matthew said, “Mommy, I just love to daydream about Eliana.  Sometimes I forget to pay attention. But real life is more important than learning, so Eliana is more important than paying attention...right?”

Yep.  He’s excited.

5. How can we help?  Are you doing a fundraiser?

I honestly don’t want to do another fundraiser...We know that God will provide what we need regardless...in fact he has already begun!  Our airline tickets are being covered and a random check arrived in the mail yesterday! At this point how much money we will need is a matter of estimation, so it is difficult to be certain how much money we will need.  We have kept our “Adoption Savings” in a separate account all these years so it stayed protected from all of our other expenses. It has gotten quite low over the last couple of months as we’ve made it to these new, exciting stages.  In calculating the last remaining expenses, we would feel more comfortable with traveling if we had about $3,000 more. Oddly enough, yesterday (along with the videos and a check in the mail) our adoption agency contacted us to see if we are interested in a matching grant fundraiser...one that would give us a total of $3,000.  We would conduct a fundraiser to raise at least $1,500 and then receive a matching grant of $1,500. We are waiting for more details...but it is a difficult opportunity to pass up. Soooo, we’ll keep you posted.

Thank you for your continued support and all of the Congratulations!  We are so excited to move forward and step into this next chapter of life!  Please continue to pray for Eliana and her foster family. What we look to with overjoyed excitement will be very difficult for Eliana.  Pray that God would begin to prepare her heart for the changes coming in her future!